A Brand New Project!

It's been a really long time since I've written on this blog.  I blinked and suddenly it was 10 years later.  Crazy.

I wanted to say to those of you that have read this blog - Thank you!   This blog was (and is) a bit of a laboratory.  I try ideas out and see if they stick.  A few of them did and I put them into a book.  It's a first effort - but it's a heart project.    

The book is called "For What It's Worth".  You can find it on amazon - and soon on Barnes and Noble.  Kindle and Paperback.

Here's the link:

For What It's Worth

Go read it - it might challenge your perspective.  

Now I'm working on a few other projects.  We'll see how they go.  Until then - have a most wonderful day!

J. Patrick Kerr

The Good Muslim

On one occasion a religious minded lawyer stood up to test the Teacher. “Sir,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit a life that never ends - life to its fullest?”

“What is written in the Teachings?” he replied. “How do you read them?”

He answered, “Well - it says to ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

“Correct,” the Teacher replied. “Do this and you will live.”

But he wanted to show that he was virtuous on his own merit, so he asked the Teacher, “Who is my neighbor?”

The Mentor replied: “A man was traveling from the northern part of the United States to the deep south.  At a rest stop along the way - he was attacked by thugs. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 

A prestigious pastor of a large congregation happened to be going down the same road and stopped at the rest stop.  When he saw the naked and destitute man, he drove away in a hurry. 

So too, a rich elder from a different well-to-do church (that was a major donor to political campaigns), when he came to the place and saw him, he drove off as well. 

But a dark skinned immigrant Muslim family, as they traveled, came where the man was - and when they saw him, they had compassion.  They went to him and bandaged up his wounds. Then put the man in their car, and travelled to a near city that was known for their proud patriotism, and helped him into the hospital. The next day the father paid the man’s medical bill in full.  Then he told the doctor - 'Look after him and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense that might accrue.’

“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of the thieves?”

The lawyer replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

The Teacher told him, “Go and do likewise.” 

Luke 10:25-37

Am I right?

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”  2 Peter 3:9

Sometimes we sacrifice relationship in order to be “right.”

I don’t necessarily think we do it on purpose.  I think many times we just want to be heard.  We especially want to be understood.  But - being right is not the point of a relationship.  The older I get - the more I’m slowly (and I mean slowly!!) learning that relationships are about hearing the other person (listening) - and not being heard (talking).  It’s not about expression as much as it is about empathy.  

I’m horrible at this!  

Being right in a discussion or argument can often lead to hurt feelings and misunderstandings.  I never feel good in a relationship after an argument - win or lose.  It’s difficult to connect with someone after that kind of disagreement.  Superiority (or inferiority) can be a cancer to true intimacy.  

To make it even more difficult - it’s impossible to have any type of relationship without conflict.  There are practical arguments (You said you’d do the dishes - and you didn’t) to arguments about ideology (glass half full) and theology (insert any statement about God here).  

We are all so different.  

The point of relationship is connection.  It’s to reach intimacy with another person.  I’m not necessarily describing romantic relationships (although they certainly apply) - but all relationships.  We want to connect - we don’t want to divide.

And yet - how often do we make a stance which sacrifices our friendships - our relationships?  I see many posts on social networks that are so divisive - and the person posting it has no clue.  There are just so many argumentative statements and positions being made - it’s a bit crazy (especially now that it's a political season).  There’s lot of superiority going around.  Arrogance is not attractive.

There's that famous warning to not discuss politics and religion in social gatherings - especially during Thanksgiving.  The reason being? - we tend to destroy relationships when arguments like these arise.  Our will to be "right" can create horrible relational conflict - and none of us are immune to its lure.  We want to be right no matter the cost.  This leads to many broken relationships in which we would rather avoid the other person than connect with them.  I know that I do this - and I do it more often than I'd like to admit.

With those we love, it can even be worse.  Sometimes we’re so ignorantly stubborn - it’s embarrassing.  Personally - I have an “insert foot in mouth” disease - and half the time - I don’t even know I have it.  ugh. 

A negative tendency of mine is to go on the defensive.  There have been many times when I have felt judged when there might have been a genuine concern.  I wasn’t listening - I was defending my stance or position.  I was right - gosh darn it!  And I totally lost...

This happens way too often.  

God has concern for His kids - us.  How often do I perceive that concern as judgment - or condemnation?  He speaks the truth - yet - I want to plead my case - give excuses - I want to fight!   So I avoid Him altogether.

When - all He wants to do is connect…

Have a good day…

  

Snapshots

It’s been a while.

My last blog post was over a year ago and I feel like I’ve learned so much since then.  It’s time to write again.  So - I’m making a second go.

I recently re-read many of my posts.  It’s a strange thing to do - reading the ghost of myself from years ago.  Some posts were written in a place of pain and confusion.  Some were discoveries in clarity.  Some were just practicing the discipline of writing.  I'm glad I wrote all of them.  I liked that there was always a bit of light in shining through each one.  A few blog posts were actually a bit inspiring.  I needed to re-hear those words I'd written years ago.  I had a few moments where I thought “man - I need to do that again” - or some such thought.  Very strange... 

I don’t even remember where I was when I wrote.  I mean - I remembered many of the ideas - but not that places or emotions that I was going through at the time.  There were some ideas that think differently now.  “Truth” was one such entry.  I don’t see “Truth” the same way as I did back then.  I still enjoy reading my thoughts about it though - those thoughts led me to where I am today, but that was definitely “in the journey” type of blog post.  Truth is much bigger and better than subjectivity vs. objectivity.  (Nerd alert!)

My favorite surprise was when I told stories.  Not that I’m a good storyteller or anything - but the story blogs were a bit more entertaining than the others (with a few exceptions).  A lot of the blog posts were just moments in time - and were simply enjoyable for that.  Total snapshots of my life.  

So - that’s why I’ve come back.   It’s time to start taking snapshots again.  

So here's the first one...  

Have a great day!

Holiness in Action!

“Just then a man in their synagogue who was possessed by an impure spirit cried out, “What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God!” Mark 1:23-24

Have you ever wondered what the Holiness of God looks like?  Well - in this scripture - it appears that "impure spirits" do - and they point directly at Jesus.  

Jesus is the Holy One of God - because, well, God is Holy and Jesus is Immanuel (God with us).  

There's tons of stories in the scriptures that talk about how Jesus interacts with people - messed up people - and how He loves them.  One of my favorites is almost right after the impure spirit calls Jesus out - it's a fascinating picture of God's Holiness in action.  It's also an image that kind of bucks the traditional view of how many people see God's Holiness:

“A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, “If you are willing, you can make me clean.” Jesus was indignant.  He reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cleansed.” Mark 1:40-42

The Holy One of God - touches (embraces) the unclean man - and the unclean man is made clean.  But - listen carefully - The HOLY ONE TOUCHES THE UNCLEAN.

If you've grown up within a traditional church gathering, this may be a difficult a picture for you to wrap your head around.  We're often taught the opposite about God from the pulpit.  Often in churches - Holiness and “sin” can’t be in the same place.  I’ve heard many preachers say, “Sin is separation from God.”  They’ll often point to the “holiness” of God as a reason why God is separate - Holiness and sin can’t be in the same place at the same time.

But what do you do with Jesus?  He doesn’t seem to fit into this model.  God (the Holy One) becomes a man.  Throughout His life - He consistently hangs out with sinners.  He's even kissed by Judas at the moment of betrayed!  You can’t really get closer than a kiss - and Judas' "sin" couldn't be any bigger.

Isn’t it like Jesus to break all the rules - and jump outside of the boxes we try to put Him in? 

God came near: “Emmanuel - God with Us.”  

Going further - the scriptures say:  

“God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Cor. 5:21

Think about that for a second.  God made Jesus to BE SIN - for us.  In other words - Jesus became SIN - our sin.  Let's put that in other words.  He became lust, anger, envy, malice, greed, etc.  And not just our sin - but the sins of the whole world - throughout all of time! 

Going even deeper - Jesus BECAME murder, thievery, molestation, rape, fighting, war, abandonment, depression, abuse, addiction, and on and on and on.

Jesus became sin - unclean.  

Hear what I’m trying to say:

JESUS IS CLOSER THAN WE EVER IMAGINED!  He is with us when we sin - He's not separate.  He became our sin - our worst!  He doesn't just see our sin - he became it!!!

The bible says - "the wages of sin is death..."

He had to die.  Jesus HAD to die.  He was sin, so He had to die.  

But - (how beautiful): although He died - God couldn't stay dead.  Christ is life!  And when He came out from the other side side of the grave (alive and clean!) He invited us into that brand new life - His life - a resurrection life - eternal life.  

“23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23 

The leper pleaded, "if you are willing, You can make me clean."

Jesus replied with a resounding: "I AM WILLING - BE CLEAN!" - to the leper - and to us!

And - with that - we are clean.  WE ARE CLEAN!

God embraces us at our worst - while we are unclean (just like the leper).  God touched us - and becomes our worst - in order to ultimately set us free.  He absorbed our uncleanliness and He took it with Him to the cross.  ALL OF OUR SIN DIED AT THE CROSS!

I could go on and on - but - isn't that amazing - awesome?  Our sin is dead.  It is finished!  

Soooo - what’s Holiness look like?

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

May God’s Holiness be evident in us as we embrace those in our lives that are living at their “worst.”

Because - that's what Love does.

Jer

____________________

Reflections...

1.  Jesus isn't surprised by our "sin" or uncleanliness.
2.  Jesus isn't afraid of our sin - or uncleanliness.  
3.  Jesus has complete and total power over sin
4.  Jesus is closer to us than we realize - even when we hide in (or are in the midst of) our darkness.
5.  Jesus embraces us at our worst
6.  The consequence and power of sin died on the cross with Jesus
7.  Holiness in action is "the Word became flesh and dwelt among us."

And lastly -"Jesus" (in these above statements) can be switched with:  God.  Father.  Holy Spirit.  (i.e.  Jesus/God/Father/Holy Spirit isn't surprised by our "sin" or uncleanliness)

Embracing Suffering

“Pay me now, or pay me later!”

This was a common expression heard on the practice field when I played football back in my High School days.  I’d always hear it just about the time that I’d be ready to hurl whatever was left in my stomach from pure exhaustion.  My legs and arms burned like they were on fire and I could hardly think straight as I struggled to get back in line for the next drill.  The smell of newly cut grass was always so thick on those days as I deeply inhaled that sweet life giving oxygen just to stay conscious.  My forehead pounded from the pressure of my helmet while the heat from the summer sun made conditioning almost unbearable.  I was generally a mess.  The thought of actually playing a game was far from our minds as we practiced in those hot August summer afternoons.

Then I’d hear that phrase again - ringing in my ears.

“Pay me now - or pay me later!”

And my coach meant it.  If we tried to go easy, he’d know it.  He had a sort of 6th sense about those kinds of things.  If we didn’t give our all, we’d keep going - and going - and going.  We either gave 100% now, or we’d repeat the same drills until we did.  “Bear Crawls” were his favorite drill - hands in front, body up, legs moving forward - crawling across the field.  It was hell. 

In the beginning of the season, we’d always try to slack.  And - we’d always pay for it later.  The practice would stretch on and on until we pushed ourselves to the limit.  Our coach always knew when we were slacking.  It only took one of us to “take it easy” for the rest of us to feel the consequence of that player taking the drill off.  This was infuriating as a player because many of us understood that we had to give everything we had on every drill in order to move closer to completion.  So, if I gave 100%, and my buddy gave 80%, I’d have to repeat the drill because of HIS slacking.  

We all felt the consequence from one player slacking because we were a team - we were learning a teamwork principle: the whole team feels the consequence of an opponent’s score if one player takes a play off in a game.  Players that continually messed up were often harassed by their peers after practice, and this always seemed to change their attitude in the following practices.  

We payed a price at every practice.  And - to be honest - it was a price that some couldn’t pay.  Some would just flat out quit.  Others did as much as they could just to get by - but they wouldn't play on game-day because of their lack of effort throughout the week.  Things never fully worked out for those that slacked.  But some of us committed.  Some of us believed, even though we couldn't see what was waiting for us in the end.   

We payed a price - day in and day out - and for what seemed like forever.   None of us really understood why we were paying such a high price.  Our lives were filled with pain and exhaustion - day in and day out - and it became our new normal. It sucked.  There were times when I wanted to quit.  I hated practice…

until we started winning.

That year, we went 9-0-1.  We were undefeated champions - we had no losses.   

I think my coach’s statement was true.  “Pay me now - or pay me later!”  If we had slacked, or he had let us slack - our reward would not have been an undefeated season - let alone a championship.  Our temporary reprieve from hell during practice would have been our reward, and our lack of a championship would be the cost.    

We truly suffered in practice to win it all.  We went through hell in order to experience the joy of becoming undefeated champions.

We chose to suffer in the present in order to achieve a future glory that far eclipsed any pain we had gone through in those hot August summer days.  Looking back, the price we payed was well worth it.

_____________________

When I think of all the great things that I’ve accomplished in my past, there’s always an element of suffering coupled with an element of reward.  When I learned to play guitar - I spent long hours of practice getting callouses on my fingers, building finger muscles that weren’t there, and listening over and over to music so that I might figure out how to imitate songs - all so I might be able to play that instrument with relative ease.  Today, I can pick up the guitar and learn almost any song pretty easily because of those long hours of practice.  The suffering of yesterday (practice) produced the reward of today (playing).

I could have chosen my “reward” years ago and not practiced - not endured the pain and frustration.  I could have chosen my “reward” early.  But - the suffering aspect would have come later by not being able to play whatever song I wanted to play today.  

I’m wondering if I’m making any sense.

In almost any endeavor I want to pursue - I can choose my reward or my suffering first.  If I want to get in shape - I can suffer through exercise.  Eventually - through hard work, I’ll reap the reward of good health.  Or, I can choose to be lazy now (present reward) and suffer later in a multitude of ways (future suffering).

“Pay me now, or pay me later”

This principle plays out in the scriptures too:

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who, for the joy set before him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2)

Jesus paid a heavy price for a future glory (a glory that He shares with us!).   Suffering coupled with reward.  As someone once said, “The crown of thorns always proceeds the crown of glory.”  

The scriptures also point towards us participating with God in His suffering:  

“I want to know Christ--yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death…” Philipians 3:10

Participation in the suffering of Christ.  What a mystery…

There are many other scriptures along those same lines too.

Christ entered into suffering and endured it for a greater good - a greater reward.

Now, don’t get me wrong here.  This isn’t a discussion about random suffering - like from a disease, poverty, earthquake, flood, or famine.  That’s a different topic and a whole other kind of suffering - I don’t have eyes to see all the “why”s behind that (although this principle might play out there as well…).

I think I’m more talking about discipline.  Discipline has an element of suffering that proceeds a future reward.

Lack of discipline has an element of reward that is followed by a future suffering.

The reward that follows suffering is always better than the reward a person gets from “taking a play off.”  Our championship was better than being lazy and losing games.

Having just coached a group of kids who hadn’t won a football game in 6 years, this principle was clearly displayed in front of me.  Our team went 1-9 this year.  You might think that is a bad year for a football team - but you’d be wrong.  We won our last game - and for some of these students - it their first game they had EVER won.  About halfway through the season, most of the players finally bought into the idea that hard work would pay off in the end.  They never gave up and slowly got better.

When I joined the team at the beginning of the season, on my second day coaching, we took the kids to our first scrimmage.  We got scored on 20 times!  And - we didn’t score once.  I literally thought, “what have I gotten myself into?”  

I’ve been a part of 5 different championship teams as a coach (out of 9 years coaching), and two as a player.  In all my years of playing and coaching - only three games stand out as exceptional.  One - as a player - we came back and won a game with 12 seconds left in the game against our biggest rival to remain undefeated.  Two, as an asst. coach in a championship game against an undefeated team that was ahead 32-6 at one point in the game where we won 39-38 from a field goal with 4 seconds left in a game.  And - this prior season - winning our first game with a goal line stand in the last minute of the game - our opposing team having a first down and goal on the 5 yard line.  

It’s funny, but the one win at the end of the season from a winless team was just as good as the championship wins in those prior seasons.  It’s partly because the kids continued to trust us through our practices.  They never gave up and worked as hard as any championship team before them.  Their attitudes literally changed throughout the year.  They paid a price - and it payed off.

"Pay me now, or pay me later!"

I think this principle plays out in a lot of areas in life (suffering that proceeds reward).  Here’s a few areas in life that I can think of off the top of my head:

School - getting a degree

Healthy living

Learning a language

Playing a Sport

Developing good relationships (serving and valuing others above self)

Walking with Jesus

Learning and understanding the Bible

Developing a new skill

Building a new positive habit

Stopping a bad habit

Loving people and loving God.

There’s a ton more, I’m sure.  But - I think ya get the idea.

“Pay me now, or pay me later.” 

It took me 20 years to understand what my coach was trying to say.  I think I'm only now starting to get it (even though I still have a hard time living it!)

May this principle sink in much more quickly for you!

Have a great day!

Jer

A New Kind of Mourning

“Though seeing, they do not see;
    though hearing, they do not hear or understand.”  Matthew 13:13

____________________________

Horns blare.  Cheers explode.  Laughter erupts.  Smiles are seen all around.  Tears of joy fill the eyes of the crowd. 

The leader of the processional yells at the top of his lungs: “Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!”

The bride waits in stunned amazement - awakened to a brand new life to come.  She witnesses the scene - the feelings of fear, amazement, and excitement combine to create a burgeoning joy inside of her heart that she’d never experienced prior to this moment.  And this wonderful moment seems to last an eternity.  She takes a deep breath and feels the blood coursing through her veins - every part of her body holds an almost hyper-sensitivity that allows her to really feel everything around her.  It’s as if she’d never lived until this very moment.  She feels so alive.  Tears of joy fill her eyes, and she isn’t even sure if she knows exactly why.  

“I didn’t think it’d be like this.” she thinks.  “This is beyond imagination.”

She reflects back to her prior life.  It seems that what she remembers of her past is just a dream - as if she was living in a dark fog until moments ago.  And there was a lot of darkness in those memories - and lots of confusion.  Of course, those moments were interspersed with wonderful moments of clarity and light.  But the darkness she remembers is so heavy in her memories because of the contrast to her surroundings in this very moment.  She begins to fear that her past will be her ruin.  She begins to fear that she’ll be rejected because of it.  She knows she is far from perfect.  And yet, this moment - it seems so perfect.  Her fear of rejection is like a memory brought on by a familiar smell or a favorite song.  She's fears rejection.

But as she looks around, she sees only light.  As she stands and waits, wonder and awe fill her soul - in spite of her fear.   

The Love of her life approaches.  She catches her first glimpse as He moves into view.  She sees Him!  All fear disappears from her mind at His first glance.  She knows He is good - her true love has arrived.  From that strangely familiar look in his eyes - she knows she’s completely accepted.  Perfect love casts out all fear - and she understands.  All of life’s fulfillment is here in her presence.

He has come to take her home.  It’s her time.  Her day.  The wedding party is about to begin…  

_______________________

RIP Coach Fernandez.  May you enjoy the wedding banquet that is far better than anything I could ever put into words!!

Jer

I Have a Dream!

A good friend of mine had a crazy dream a few nights ago.  She swears it was more real than a dream - but what she witnessed would be impossible if it wasn’t a dream.  It was definitely of the spiritual nature:  evil trying to get her - and remembering Jesus - crying out to Him - then peace.  It made me think of dreams.

I’ve only had one or two dreams that seem to have a “message” behind them.  Most dreams are just crazy visions.  But, the one I remember vividly was one I had on a backpacking trip.  It was my first five day backpacking trip, and I forgot a pillow.  I sleep on my side, so this was a huge issue.  I literally got no sleep for two days.  I’d get 20 minutes here, 20 minutes there, but nothing longer.  It was awful.  Finally, on the third night I passed out.

Here’s the dream.  I was on a long road in an African country.  I was sitting in the Pope mobile.  If you don’t know what that is - it’s a car that Pope’s rides in so he can wave to people as he drives by.  The glass is bullet proof and it’s a well armored car - and, you can stand up in it.  So, I’m sitting in the Pope mobile on a stool and there’s thousands of starving people reaching to get inside to where I’m sitting.  I’m holding a huge metal bowl (like a popcorn bowl) and it’s full of spaghetti (which happens to be my favorite food).  And I can’t stop eating in front of everyone.  As hard as I try, I keep shoving food down my face as starving people are banging the windows of the Pope mobile.  And tears are flooding down my cheeks because I can’t stop, even though I want to.  I want to give it away - this food in my hands - but I keep chowing down instead.  I look at dying people as we drive by - and I keep eating.  Then I woke up - in the middle of the forest.  haha.  Crazy.

Dreams are dreams, but this one had an element of reality - and it’s stayed with me ever since. 
   

I’ve been in this waiting period for a while now.  I don’t usually pray for specific things because I kind of think that’s a "genie in a bottle" type of view of God - which isn’t like Jesus at all.  But - I have been a bit restless.  So, I prayed one of “those” prayers.   I’m starting Young Life again, and have been back and forth on whether I want to coach football again.  Well, I know that I don’t really want to coach - haha - but, I also know coaching is a great tool as a leader for Young Life.  So, I prayed about it.  I did one of those timing prayers.  “If You want me to coach - give me a sign in the next week.  A specific sign.”  I never really believe these type of prayers work - but - God is active and listening.  I do believe that.  And - as I’ve said, I’m a bit restless.  So, I asked.  

It’s funny, I usually advise people not to pray in this manner.  I think it’s kind of a manipulation of the type of relationship God really wants - which is spending time with Him - even just noticing Him.  It’s not that I don’t think that God answers prayers like this, it’s that often these types of prayers come from a very selfish point of view.  God is always pushing us to value others above ourselves.  These types of prayers often put self above others.  But, I guess, when you’re clueless about your future, there’s nobody better to turn towards.

Last night - randomly - I got this message from an old football player that I coached.  He never went to Young Life, never went on any trips, nothing.  But - I did spend a lot of time with him at practice.  I literally hadn’t talked to him in years.  The timing of this message is crazy.  Here’s his note:

“I don't know if you remember me, I was the freshman in 2009 with a big blonde fro, often referred to as Big Bird, who became a starting right tackle his first year learning to play football. Either way, I just wanted to thank for you every day you were able to coach me my freshman year. I was going through a really tough time and without your humor, respect, and encouragement to aim high and see my potential, I might not have been able to finish the season. I didn't continue to play, but I never lost my dedication in whatever I did throughout high school, and now I'm going to UCLA (I applied for Neuroscience). After I finished the season I felt capable of anything high school had throw at me, and I couldn't have done it without you.”

Coincidence?  I sure want it to be - haha!

I find that I want to keep chowing on my spaghetti.  Sometimes I don’t want to follow God’s call because it’s uncomfortable, scary, new, and disruptive.  But.  I also admit that don’t know what’s best for me at all.  I’m clueless - but I know the One who isn’t.  So, I’m gonna step out.  Reluctantly.  haha.  And with a twinge of excitement as well.  

Do I trust that He is good - and do I trust Him with my life?  I want to.  haha.   jeez.

Ok - let’s see where He’s leading...

Have a great day!

Jer  

Writing in Protest

When I was a kid, I read a lot of books.  It wasn’t the cool thing to do, but I didn’t tell anyone about it.  I hid this aspect of my personality in order to fit in, but secretly at home (especially on stormy nights) I’d curl up on the couch or on my bed and read stories that took me away from my real life.  There were times when my imagination led me to impossible places with such amazing adventures, I'd literally not be able to put the book down until it was the next morning - on a school night.  But I did it anyway - and loved it!  Most stories made my real life pale in comparison.  And sometimes, my memory of the stories became as vivid as my actual memories of life.  It’s definitely weird how our minds work.  

I got this reading trait from my mom.  She would often read an entire book in one sitting - it was crazy.  It was almost like she had a super power: fast reading.  I never got close to as fast as her, but I did learn to read at a pretty good pace.  I would read a book, or so, a week.  I remember, by the end of my Senior year in High School, I had read nearly every single book in the Fantasy section of the bookstore.  I later moved to mystery - and then faith - but never stopped reading.  I’m so thankful for this trait!

When I was in Jr. High, my reading ability put me in the classes with the smart kids.  As sad as it is when I look back on it now - I was ashamed to be put into that group.  I don’t know where I got the idea that being smart is uncool, but at that fragile self-esteem building age, it totally was - well - at least for guys - it was.  I developed some really negative habits at that age because of how I saw the world.  One annoying trait was caring too much what others thought about me.  That, in itself, could be a whole topic, but I want to focus on something else.  There was another habit that formed that I still wrestle against today - and this fight - this continual battle - has always ended up hurting me in the long run.

I began to rebel against authority.  I mean, the rebellion has always been there - don’t get me wrong.  But, when it came to homework and being told what to do (I’m strictly talking about things that were actually beneficial to me) - I flat out rebelled.

College was easy.  Yet - it took forever for me to graduate.  I rebelled against the idea that society demanded a piece of paper (a certificate of completion - diploma) to get ahead in life.  I had a hard time seeing the point.  But "the point" didn't really matter - it just held me back when I should have excelled.  

Now I wish I could slap my younger self upside the head.  

Often, my attitude is the gun I use to shoot myself in the foot.

When I was in High School, teachers would assign books to read.  Many of the books were a quarter of the length of the books that I read everyday.  But, I wouldn’t read them.  It’s one thing to not read when you don’t like to read - but I loved reading!  Yet - when assigned a book - I wouldn’t read it.  Tell me to do something - I’ll end up doing the opposite.  Half the time, I don’t even know why.  It’s like it’s my natural reaction to authority.  This has caused confusion and frustration in many of my relationships - for sure.  

Lately, I’ve been writing a lot - but only for school.  Every day, there’s a wrestling match that goes on inside my head about completing my assignments.  I’ve gotten perfect marks (grades) on almost every assignment I’ve done at this school.  Perfect.  My only exception?  When I turn in my work late.  

I’ve taken seven classes so far.  Two A’s, four A-’s, and one B+.  The ONLY reason I got the A-’s and the B+ was late work.  I should be getting straight A's (A- are less than 4.0 at this college)  I turn my work in late because I’m in the midst of a mental wrestling match:  complete the assignment vs. I don’t want to/what’s the point?  Here’s the kicker - even on my late work, I’ve gotten perfect scores.  But - it gets docked because it’s late.  haha.  wow.  I’m my own worst enemy.

This might not seem like a big deal.  Those are good marks, for sure.  BUT - this has always been my pattern.  It was the same in High School and my undergraduate studies.  It’s the same today.  I fight authority.

I’ve been thinking about why I haven’t been writing lately - as far as this blog goes.  It’s often because I’m in this mental wrestling match about doing my homework and don’t even want to think about writing.  I only have 4 more classes - then I’m done.  Yet - this class I’m taking right now - wow.  My gun is pointed at my foot and the trigger is cocked.  haha. 

Rebelling against authority - it’s what got us into this mess in the first place.  God constantly wants what’s best for us - what’s beneficial - but we eat the fruit instead.  For me - many times it’s not the desire of X, Y, or Z that drives me away from God - it’s more that I want to be King.  I want to make my own decisions.  I want to be my own authority.  It’s how I’m wired - and it hurts me every time.  I even see the pattern, understand it - yet I still keep wrestling.

Jesus (King of kings and Lord of lords) was known as humble because He surrendered to the will of His Father - all the way to the cross.  “He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to death - even death on a cross!” (Phil 2:8)  He was obedient in the little things as well as the big things.  He submitted to authority - even the authority of the government and the faith community when they were wrong! - because - ultimately - He knew that God was in control in the midst of it all.  He trusted God and because of His faith - we reap the benefit.  

But - in spite of His goodness - His finished work - I still do my homework in protest.   Haha.  Seems trivial in comparison to God's work.  But - the truth is - the little things really are the big things...    

I do, however, find hope for people like me in this parable:

28 “What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’  29 “‘I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.  30 “Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go.  31 “Which of the two did what his father wanted?”  “The first,” they answered.  (Matthew 21:28-31)

Alright - enough delay - off to do my homework - my late homework.  grrrrr.

Have a great day!

Jer

A Great Confession

 “‘Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy...”  Ezekiel 16:49

I’ve been going over the stories of the Old Testament recently, and once again, it’s been enlightening.

The story of Sodom and Gomorrah was really intriguing.  I always look at the Old Testament (or Hebrew Scriptures) through the lens of Jesus.  After all, there’s no God hiding behind Jesus - so, the God of the Hebrew Scriptures is, in fact, Jesus.

Outside of the mental gymnastics of reconciling an all loving - always forgiving - merciful God with burning sulfur, destruction, and death - there’s definitely some revealing about how we live and relate to God within this text.

There’s not a lot of details that are given about these cities prior to the destruction.  There’s a few references to the leaders earlier in the scriptures, but there’s not much about the people.  

The story goes (major paraphrase):

There’s a declaration of destruction by some angels to Abraham before they enter the city, an argument from Abraham to God about the injustice of destroying the righteous along with the unrighteous, the story of Lot saving the angels from some serious backside pain (hence the term: sodomy), the rescue of Lot from the cities, and the wife turned-to-salt episode.  Super short summary - the whole story is here:  Genesis 18-19

One observation:  God had already determined to destroy these cities before the angels were harassed.  That incident was just a reinforcement of what God already knew.  In fact, it was the town’s total disregard of God in the first place that put the town in danger.  To them, there was no God.  They replaced the God of love with the god of themselves.

When a person becomes their own “God” - or “King” - everything becomes subjective (think - “eye of the beholder”).  It’s funny, because our postmodern age is totally based on subjectivity.  The phrase “everything is relative” is a perfect example of our current bent towards subjectivity.  

Now - that’s a lot of big words that simply mean - in a rudimentary way:  Your truth is fine with you, my truth is fine with me.  But they’re not the same.  And that’s ok.  And even where our truth contradicts one another - that’s ok - because my “world” is different than your “world.” I choose to believe my own rules about life - irregardless of what you believe - and I won't bother you if you don't bother me.

Sound familiar?  

But that’s humanity.  That’s been going on for all ages.  It should be no surprise to hear statements like that.  

I believe we have more in common than we think we do.  I believe we’re all in the same boat - and this bent towards subjectivity - in a roundabout way - proves it.

I guess, what I’m trying to say, is that left to our own devices - WE ARE the people of Sodom and Gomorrah.  We may not act out in the sexually deviant way that the story with the angels portrays (raping strangers...ummm - no) - BUT - we are often arrogant (prideful), overfed, and unconcerned.  And many of us don’t help the poor and the needy at all.  

In other words - the “sin” of Sodom is my sin too.  I can often have total disregard to God.  I usurp His throne every day so that I may be the “God of my own world.”  I have more food than I know what to do with - on most days.  And I waste a lot of it.  I’m often unconcerned with people other than myself.  I cry out to God for things like “happiness” and “material possessions” that I don’t have without a thought to the person that really needs help.  And - I tell myself that I am poor because I compare myself with others - when the really poor (those on the streets, or in other countries - those without the basic necessities of life, like food - etc.) aren’t even given a passing thought.

Jesus said, “Whatever you do unto the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you do unto me.”  He mentions these things:  feeding the hungry, giving a drink to the thirsty, clothing those that need clothes, visiting the sick and in prison.  These are things the people of Sodom and Gomorrah didn’t do at all - and look at the result.  If you read the story in Matthew - the result for those that don’t do anything is similar.  Lake-of-fire kind of stuff.

What we do matters.  Our actual actions - matter.

By the way - these are not theologically “correct” ideas.  This isn't about doctrine.  These are concrete things that people can actually do.  There’s no believing the “right” things in His statement.  You do these things - or you don’t.  As one wonderful writer expressed:  Love does!

But - I confess - I often don’t.  My behaviors might not be on par with the people of Sodom and Gomorrah - but my “sin” is the same.

I’d be lying if I told you otherwise. 

What if - how we loved the least of these - was, in reality - how much we really loved God?  

Ouch.

By the way - this is not a surprise to God: who we are.  I think His desire is that we’d start noticing Him and slowly surrender the throne back to Him.  There are plenty of scriptures that point to this idea - Proverbs 3:5 and Hebrews 12:1-2 are two that come straight to my mind.  And His march towards the cross (foreshadowed in the Garden of Eden story - the beginning) is further evidence.

I’m not trying to browbeat myself - or others - with a “sin” talk.

BUT

I do want to take a sober look at the truth about myself.

Adam and Even - in the garden story - covered themselves and blamed the person next to them about their own behavior.  Adam blamed Eve, and Eve blamed the serpent.  We’ve been blaming everyone - but ourselves - since the very beginning.

I’m more wanting to admit/hold up a sign saying “I am the problem”.  I’m the problem as much as anyone else.  

"...all our righteous acts are like filthy rags"  Isaiah 64:6

I want to break the “Adam and Eve” cycle.

God provided a covering in that Adam and Eve story.  An atonement - death to an animal - that was made into clothing.  Death to life.

And He does the same for us - as the Lamb of God:  "So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ." (Galatians 3:26-27)

We are accepted, loved, and valued by God due to His actions.  It is finished.

But I’m still in the midst of this rebellion.  I still fight God.

I do want to live in the good works that God created me for, but I have this annoying propensity to act as if I’m my own God.

It’s no wonder that the people of God were named Israel: he wrestles/struggles with God.

What a daily riddle and mystery that we live in!  So fascinating.  May we know the freedom of surrendering "our" throne to the One who truly knows us best...

Have a great day!

Jer

Generational Behavior

“The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, 7 maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.” (Exodus 34:6-7)

A few years back, I went to counseling with my now ex-wife.  It was our last ditch effort to save a marriage that was already over by the time we went.  I don’t think there’s any percentage breakdown of fault when it comes to divorce (or a successful marriage, for that matter).  I believe it’s a shared 100%, so when people ask, I tell them we were both at fault, 100%.  It’s truly one of the only things we did really well together: get divorced. (only teasing...kind of.)

One of the things that came up in counseling that has really intrigued me ever since was the fact that much of my disfunction in relationships comes from the way I was raised.  I’m not faulting my behavior on my parents (my parents are awesome) but I did learn a lot about conflict resolution, communication, and how I see intimacy from them.  

My parents are alcoholics.  At night, they were embarrassing.  I’d have full conversations with my mom that she didn’t remember the next day.  My dad would sit in his chair and nod off to sleep.  Sometimes he’d wake up from a slumber and mumble random things incoherently.  This was my daily life.  At around 6pm every night - it was like this.  So, consequently, I never invited people over to my house.  I was always the friend that went to other people’s homes.  And I’d NEVER talk about this - not even to my brothers.  But we all knew.  We just hid it.

Every so often, the facade would crack.  I remember the first time my mom and my ex met, and my mom gave her a glass of wine.  My mom’s idea of a glass of wine was to keep it full at all times.  My ex was drunk with one glass of wine!  haha.  But - that was life.  I remember another incident that happened with a friend of mine who worked for my dad.  My friend came over at night to drop something off for work and my dad was pretty much sloshed.  I had to speak for my dad - in embarrassment - and find a way to get my friend on his way.  Sadly, these moments happened all too often.

Thankfully, I did learn one positive thing from this experience.  I don’t drink - barely at all.  But - I definitely learned some bad habits:  I keep people at a distance.  I don’t share difficult problems, I brush things under the carpet.  I retreat when in conflict.  And a hundred other little things.

It’s not to say I didn’t learn some very good habits:  I’m pretty darn loyal, even when things are bad.  I can be a very good verbal cheerleader - coach.  I can usually make people laugh.  And a hundred other little things.

Our parents are very influential - good and bad.

Having worked in ministry for most of my life, I’ve noticed that kids pretty much resemble their parents.  There are differences, and there’s rebellion - but for the most part, a successful parent will have successful kids - and - unsuccessful parents will bread disfunction.  I’ve noticed this trend too, kids that got pregnant early in life (say - High School) end up having kids that get pregnant early too.  It’s not a science, but it is almost weird.  Yes yes - there are exceptions, but surprisingly, it’s more common that I would have ever thought when I was younger.

I had one student tell me that her parents were super strict and never had any fun when they were kids.  Little did she know that I knew her parents in High School and they were completely wild!  They were strict for a reason - they had lived through their experience and, now, had quite a few regrets.  They were only trying to protect their kid.  I almost laughed out loud when she told me that.

But, here’s the funny thing - the parents that I knew in High School had parents who were super strict too.  A cycle of behavior passed down from one generation to the next.

Having come off an all bros trip in Tahoe with some old High School friends, one of the themes that kept coming up was how much our past - our parents - really influenced us.  There were many conversations about trying to figure out how to not live the dysfunctional behaviors that we picked up along the way.  Some of those behaviors are so subtle, it’s as if they’re not even there.

I have to admit, when I went to counseling - I didn’t even know why I behaved in certain manners.  I knew things weren’t working in my relationship - and I knew I was at fault with a lot of it, but - I had no idea that it was so deeply ingrained.  

One common theme in my blogs is the reality that God loves us - values us - accepts us - in spite of our behavior.  Unconditional love.  He loves the good, bad, and ugly.  That’s pretty easy to grasp - and will probably come up again in a future blog.

But, today, I’m curious about the change.  Or - the transformation.  

One of my friends said, “If it wasn’t for God - Jesus - I’d be exactly like my dad.”  Funny thing is - he’s a lot like his dad.  I don’t doubt for a second that God hasn’t changed him in a positive way - but - it’s still there - the same dysfunction.  

And it’s there in me too.  I wonder if this is a bit of that “thorn in my side” kind of thing?  I don’t know.

This is the subject that has been rolling around in my head lately.  How do we break the cycle?  How does one change something he/she can’t actually see?  As much as Christ loves us, values us, and accepts us 100% - what role does our behavior actually play in following Jesus?

Those are my thoughts to ponder today...

Have a great one!

Jer