I Have a Dream!

A good friend of mine had a crazy dream a few nights ago.  She swears it was more real than a dream - but what she witnessed would be impossible if it wasn’t a dream.  It was definitely of the spiritual nature:  evil trying to get her - and remembering Jesus - crying out to Him - then peace.  It made me think of dreams.

I’ve only had one or two dreams that seem to have a “message” behind them.  Most dreams are just crazy visions.  But, the one I remember vividly was one I had on a backpacking trip.  It was my first five day backpacking trip, and I forgot a pillow.  I sleep on my side, so this was a huge issue.  I literally got no sleep for two days.  I’d get 20 minutes here, 20 minutes there, but nothing longer.  It was awful.  Finally, on the third night I passed out.

Here’s the dream.  I was on a long road in an African country.  I was sitting in the Pope mobile.  If you don’t know what that is - it’s a car that Pope’s rides in so he can wave to people as he drives by.  The glass is bullet proof and it’s a well armored car - and, you can stand up in it.  So, I’m sitting in the Pope mobile on a stool and there’s thousands of starving people reaching to get inside to where I’m sitting.  I’m holding a huge metal bowl (like a popcorn bowl) and it’s full of spaghetti (which happens to be my favorite food).  And I can’t stop eating in front of everyone.  As hard as I try, I keep shoving food down my face as starving people are banging the windows of the Pope mobile.  And tears are flooding down my cheeks because I can’t stop, even though I want to.  I want to give it away - this food in my hands - but I keep chowing down instead.  I look at dying people as we drive by - and I keep eating.  Then I woke up - in the middle of the forest.  haha.  Crazy.

Dreams are dreams, but this one had an element of reality - and it’s stayed with me ever since. 
   

I’ve been in this waiting period for a while now.  I don’t usually pray for specific things because I kind of think that’s a "genie in a bottle" type of view of God - which isn’t like Jesus at all.  But - I have been a bit restless.  So, I prayed one of “those” prayers.   I’m starting Young Life again, and have been back and forth on whether I want to coach football again.  Well, I know that I don’t really want to coach - haha - but, I also know coaching is a great tool as a leader for Young Life.  So, I prayed about it.  I did one of those timing prayers.  “If You want me to coach - give me a sign in the next week.  A specific sign.”  I never really believe these type of prayers work - but - God is active and listening.  I do believe that.  And - as I’ve said, I’m a bit restless.  So, I asked.  

It’s funny, I usually advise people not to pray in this manner.  I think it’s kind of a manipulation of the type of relationship God really wants - which is spending time with Him - even just noticing Him.  It’s not that I don’t think that God answers prayers like this, it’s that often these types of prayers come from a very selfish point of view.  God is always pushing us to value others above ourselves.  These types of prayers often put self above others.  But, I guess, when you’re clueless about your future, there’s nobody better to turn towards.

Last night - randomly - I got this message from an old football player that I coached.  He never went to Young Life, never went on any trips, nothing.  But - I did spend a lot of time with him at practice.  I literally hadn’t talked to him in years.  The timing of this message is crazy.  Here’s his note:

“I don't know if you remember me, I was the freshman in 2009 with a big blonde fro, often referred to as Big Bird, who became a starting right tackle his first year learning to play football. Either way, I just wanted to thank for you every day you were able to coach me my freshman year. I was going through a really tough time and without your humor, respect, and encouragement to aim high and see my potential, I might not have been able to finish the season. I didn't continue to play, but I never lost my dedication in whatever I did throughout high school, and now I'm going to UCLA (I applied for Neuroscience). After I finished the season I felt capable of anything high school had throw at me, and I couldn't have done it without you.”

Coincidence?  I sure want it to be - haha!

I find that I want to keep chowing on my spaghetti.  Sometimes I don’t want to follow God’s call because it’s uncomfortable, scary, new, and disruptive.  But.  I also admit that don’t know what’s best for me at all.  I’m clueless - but I know the One who isn’t.  So, I’m gonna step out.  Reluctantly.  haha.  And with a twinge of excitement as well.  

Do I trust that He is good - and do I trust Him with my life?  I want to.  haha.   jeez.

Ok - let’s see where He’s leading...

Have a great day!

Jer  

Writing in Protest

When I was a kid, I read a lot of books.  It wasn’t the cool thing to do, but I didn’t tell anyone about it.  I hid this aspect of my personality in order to fit in, but secretly at home (especially on stormy nights) I’d curl up on the couch or on my bed and read stories that took me away from my real life.  There were times when my imagination led me to impossible places with such amazing adventures, I'd literally not be able to put the book down until it was the next morning - on a school night.  But I did it anyway - and loved it!  Most stories made my real life pale in comparison.  And sometimes, my memory of the stories became as vivid as my actual memories of life.  It’s definitely weird how our minds work.  

I got this reading trait from my mom.  She would often read an entire book in one sitting - it was crazy.  It was almost like she had a super power: fast reading.  I never got close to as fast as her, but I did learn to read at a pretty good pace.  I would read a book, or so, a week.  I remember, by the end of my Senior year in High School, I had read nearly every single book in the Fantasy section of the bookstore.  I later moved to mystery - and then faith - but never stopped reading.  I’m so thankful for this trait!

When I was in Jr. High, my reading ability put me in the classes with the smart kids.  As sad as it is when I look back on it now - I was ashamed to be put into that group.  I don’t know where I got the idea that being smart is uncool, but at that fragile self-esteem building age, it totally was - well - at least for guys - it was.  I developed some really negative habits at that age because of how I saw the world.  One annoying trait was caring too much what others thought about me.  That, in itself, could be a whole topic, but I want to focus on something else.  There was another habit that formed that I still wrestle against today - and this fight - this continual battle - has always ended up hurting me in the long run.

I began to rebel against authority.  I mean, the rebellion has always been there - don’t get me wrong.  But, when it came to homework and being told what to do (I’m strictly talking about things that were actually beneficial to me) - I flat out rebelled.

College was easy.  Yet - it took forever for me to graduate.  I rebelled against the idea that society demanded a piece of paper (a certificate of completion - diploma) to get ahead in life.  I had a hard time seeing the point.  But "the point" didn't really matter - it just held me back when I should have excelled.  

Now I wish I could slap my younger self upside the head.  

Often, my attitude is the gun I use to shoot myself in the foot.

When I was in High School, teachers would assign books to read.  Many of the books were a quarter of the length of the books that I read everyday.  But, I wouldn’t read them.  It’s one thing to not read when you don’t like to read - but I loved reading!  Yet - when assigned a book - I wouldn’t read it.  Tell me to do something - I’ll end up doing the opposite.  Half the time, I don’t even know why.  It’s like it’s my natural reaction to authority.  This has caused confusion and frustration in many of my relationships - for sure.  

Lately, I’ve been writing a lot - but only for school.  Every day, there’s a wrestling match that goes on inside my head about completing my assignments.  I’ve gotten perfect marks (grades) on almost every assignment I’ve done at this school.  Perfect.  My only exception?  When I turn in my work late.  

I’ve taken seven classes so far.  Two A’s, four A-’s, and one B+.  The ONLY reason I got the A-’s and the B+ was late work.  I should be getting straight A's (A- are less than 4.0 at this college)  I turn my work in late because I’m in the midst of a mental wrestling match:  complete the assignment vs. I don’t want to/what’s the point?  Here’s the kicker - even on my late work, I’ve gotten perfect scores.  But - it gets docked because it’s late.  haha.  wow.  I’m my own worst enemy.

This might not seem like a big deal.  Those are good marks, for sure.  BUT - this has always been my pattern.  It was the same in High School and my undergraduate studies.  It’s the same today.  I fight authority.

I’ve been thinking about why I haven’t been writing lately - as far as this blog goes.  It’s often because I’m in this mental wrestling match about doing my homework and don’t even want to think about writing.  I only have 4 more classes - then I’m done.  Yet - this class I’m taking right now - wow.  My gun is pointed at my foot and the trigger is cocked.  haha. 

Rebelling against authority - it’s what got us into this mess in the first place.  God constantly wants what’s best for us - what’s beneficial - but we eat the fruit instead.  For me - many times it’s not the desire of X, Y, or Z that drives me away from God - it’s more that I want to be King.  I want to make my own decisions.  I want to be my own authority.  It’s how I’m wired - and it hurts me every time.  I even see the pattern, understand it - yet I still keep wrestling.

Jesus (King of kings and Lord of lords) was known as humble because He surrendered to the will of His Father - all the way to the cross.  “He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to death - even death on a cross!” (Phil 2:8)  He was obedient in the little things as well as the big things.  He submitted to authority - even the authority of the government and the faith community when they were wrong! - because - ultimately - He knew that God was in control in the midst of it all.  He trusted God and because of His faith - we reap the benefit.  

But - in spite of His goodness - His finished work - I still do my homework in protest.   Haha.  Seems trivial in comparison to God's work.  But - the truth is - the little things really are the big things...    

I do, however, find hope for people like me in this parable:

28 “What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’  29 “‘I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.  30 “Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go.  31 “Which of the two did what his father wanted?”  “The first,” they answered.  (Matthew 21:28-31)

Alright - enough delay - off to do my homework - my late homework.  grrrrr.

Have a great day!

Jer

A Great Confession

 “‘Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy...”  Ezekiel 16:49

I’ve been going over the stories of the Old Testament recently, and once again, it’s been enlightening.

The story of Sodom and Gomorrah was really intriguing.  I always look at the Old Testament (or Hebrew Scriptures) through the lens of Jesus.  After all, there’s no God hiding behind Jesus - so, the God of the Hebrew Scriptures is, in fact, Jesus.

Outside of the mental gymnastics of reconciling an all loving - always forgiving - merciful God with burning sulfur, destruction, and death - there’s definitely some revealing about how we live and relate to God within this text.

There’s not a lot of details that are given about these cities prior to the destruction.  There’s a few references to the leaders earlier in the scriptures, but there’s not much about the people.  

The story goes (major paraphrase):

There’s a declaration of destruction by some angels to Abraham before they enter the city, an argument from Abraham to God about the injustice of destroying the righteous along with the unrighteous, the story of Lot saving the angels from some serious backside pain (hence the term: sodomy), the rescue of Lot from the cities, and the wife turned-to-salt episode.  Super short summary - the whole story is here:  Genesis 18-19

One observation:  God had already determined to destroy these cities before the angels were harassed.  That incident was just a reinforcement of what God already knew.  In fact, it was the town’s total disregard of God in the first place that put the town in danger.  To them, there was no God.  They replaced the God of love with the god of themselves.

When a person becomes their own “God” - or “King” - everything becomes subjective (think - “eye of the beholder”).  It’s funny, because our postmodern age is totally based on subjectivity.  The phrase “everything is relative” is a perfect example of our current bent towards subjectivity.  

Now - that’s a lot of big words that simply mean - in a rudimentary way:  Your truth is fine with you, my truth is fine with me.  But they’re not the same.  And that’s ok.  And even where our truth contradicts one another - that’s ok - because my “world” is different than your “world.” I choose to believe my own rules about life - irregardless of what you believe - and I won't bother you if you don't bother me.

Sound familiar?  

But that’s humanity.  That’s been going on for all ages.  It should be no surprise to hear statements like that.  

I believe we have more in common than we think we do.  I believe we’re all in the same boat - and this bent towards subjectivity - in a roundabout way - proves it.

I guess, what I’m trying to say, is that left to our own devices - WE ARE the people of Sodom and Gomorrah.  We may not act out in the sexually deviant way that the story with the angels portrays (raping strangers...ummm - no) - BUT - we are often arrogant (prideful), overfed, and unconcerned.  And many of us don’t help the poor and the needy at all.  

In other words - the “sin” of Sodom is my sin too.  I can often have total disregard to God.  I usurp His throne every day so that I may be the “God of my own world.”  I have more food than I know what to do with - on most days.  And I waste a lot of it.  I’m often unconcerned with people other than myself.  I cry out to God for things like “happiness” and “material possessions” that I don’t have without a thought to the person that really needs help.  And - I tell myself that I am poor because I compare myself with others - when the really poor (those on the streets, or in other countries - those without the basic necessities of life, like food - etc.) aren’t even given a passing thought.

Jesus said, “Whatever you do unto the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you do unto me.”  He mentions these things:  feeding the hungry, giving a drink to the thirsty, clothing those that need clothes, visiting the sick and in prison.  These are things the people of Sodom and Gomorrah didn’t do at all - and look at the result.  If you read the story in Matthew - the result for those that don’t do anything is similar.  Lake-of-fire kind of stuff.

What we do matters.  Our actual actions - matter.

By the way - these are not theologically “correct” ideas.  This isn't about doctrine.  These are concrete things that people can actually do.  There’s no believing the “right” things in His statement.  You do these things - or you don’t.  As one wonderful writer expressed:  Love does!

But - I confess - I often don’t.  My behaviors might not be on par with the people of Sodom and Gomorrah - but my “sin” is the same.

I’d be lying if I told you otherwise. 

What if - how we loved the least of these - was, in reality - how much we really loved God?  

Ouch.

By the way - this is not a surprise to God: who we are.  I think His desire is that we’d start noticing Him and slowly surrender the throne back to Him.  There are plenty of scriptures that point to this idea - Proverbs 3:5 and Hebrews 12:1-2 are two that come straight to my mind.  And His march towards the cross (foreshadowed in the Garden of Eden story - the beginning) is further evidence.

I’m not trying to browbeat myself - or others - with a “sin” talk.

BUT

I do want to take a sober look at the truth about myself.

Adam and Even - in the garden story - covered themselves and blamed the person next to them about their own behavior.  Adam blamed Eve, and Eve blamed the serpent.  We’ve been blaming everyone - but ourselves - since the very beginning.

I’m more wanting to admit/hold up a sign saying “I am the problem”.  I’m the problem as much as anyone else.  

"...all our righteous acts are like filthy rags"  Isaiah 64:6

I want to break the “Adam and Eve” cycle.

God provided a covering in that Adam and Eve story.  An atonement - death to an animal - that was made into clothing.  Death to life.

And He does the same for us - as the Lamb of God:  "So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ." (Galatians 3:26-27)

We are accepted, loved, and valued by God due to His actions.  It is finished.

But I’m still in the midst of this rebellion.  I still fight God.

I do want to live in the good works that God created me for, but I have this annoying propensity to act as if I’m my own God.

It’s no wonder that the people of God were named Israel: he wrestles/struggles with God.

What a daily riddle and mystery that we live in!  So fascinating.  May we know the freedom of surrendering "our" throne to the One who truly knows us best...

Have a great day!

Jer

Generational Behavior

“The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, 7 maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.” (Exodus 34:6-7)

A few years back, I went to counseling with my now ex-wife.  It was our last ditch effort to save a marriage that was already over by the time we went.  I don’t think there’s any percentage breakdown of fault when it comes to divorce (or a successful marriage, for that matter).  I believe it’s a shared 100%, so when people ask, I tell them we were both at fault, 100%.  It’s truly one of the only things we did really well together: get divorced. (only teasing...kind of.)

One of the things that came up in counseling that has really intrigued me ever since was the fact that much of my disfunction in relationships comes from the way I was raised.  I’m not faulting my behavior on my parents (my parents are awesome) but I did learn a lot about conflict resolution, communication, and how I see intimacy from them.  

My parents are alcoholics.  At night, they were embarrassing.  I’d have full conversations with my mom that she didn’t remember the next day.  My dad would sit in his chair and nod off to sleep.  Sometimes he’d wake up from a slumber and mumble random things incoherently.  This was my daily life.  At around 6pm every night - it was like this.  So, consequently, I never invited people over to my house.  I was always the friend that went to other people’s homes.  And I’d NEVER talk about this - not even to my brothers.  But we all knew.  We just hid it.

Every so often, the facade would crack.  I remember the first time my mom and my ex met, and my mom gave her a glass of wine.  My mom’s idea of a glass of wine was to keep it full at all times.  My ex was drunk with one glass of wine!  haha.  But - that was life.  I remember another incident that happened with a friend of mine who worked for my dad.  My friend came over at night to drop something off for work and my dad was pretty much sloshed.  I had to speak for my dad - in embarrassment - and find a way to get my friend on his way.  Sadly, these moments happened all too often.

Thankfully, I did learn one positive thing from this experience.  I don’t drink - barely at all.  But - I definitely learned some bad habits:  I keep people at a distance.  I don’t share difficult problems, I brush things under the carpet.  I retreat when in conflict.  And a hundred other little things.

It’s not to say I didn’t learn some very good habits:  I’m pretty darn loyal, even when things are bad.  I can be a very good verbal cheerleader - coach.  I can usually make people laugh.  And a hundred other little things.

Our parents are very influential - good and bad.

Having worked in ministry for most of my life, I’ve noticed that kids pretty much resemble their parents.  There are differences, and there’s rebellion - but for the most part, a successful parent will have successful kids - and - unsuccessful parents will bread disfunction.  I’ve noticed this trend too, kids that got pregnant early in life (say - High School) end up having kids that get pregnant early too.  It’s not a science, but it is almost weird.  Yes yes - there are exceptions, but surprisingly, it’s more common that I would have ever thought when I was younger.

I had one student tell me that her parents were super strict and never had any fun when they were kids.  Little did she know that I knew her parents in High School and they were completely wild!  They were strict for a reason - they had lived through their experience and, now, had quite a few regrets.  They were only trying to protect their kid.  I almost laughed out loud when she told me that.

But, here’s the funny thing - the parents that I knew in High School had parents who were super strict too.  A cycle of behavior passed down from one generation to the next.

Having come off an all bros trip in Tahoe with some old High School friends, one of the themes that kept coming up was how much our past - our parents - really influenced us.  There were many conversations about trying to figure out how to not live the dysfunctional behaviors that we picked up along the way.  Some of those behaviors are so subtle, it’s as if they’re not even there.

I have to admit, when I went to counseling - I didn’t even know why I behaved in certain manners.  I knew things weren’t working in my relationship - and I knew I was at fault with a lot of it, but - I had no idea that it was so deeply ingrained.  

One common theme in my blogs is the reality that God loves us - values us - accepts us - in spite of our behavior.  Unconditional love.  He loves the good, bad, and ugly.  That’s pretty easy to grasp - and will probably come up again in a future blog.

But, today, I’m curious about the change.  Or - the transformation.  

One of my friends said, “If it wasn’t for God - Jesus - I’d be exactly like my dad.”  Funny thing is - he’s a lot like his dad.  I don’t doubt for a second that God hasn’t changed him in a positive way - but - it’s still there - the same dysfunction.  

And it’s there in me too.  I wonder if this is a bit of that “thorn in my side” kind of thing?  I don’t know.

This is the subject that has been rolling around in my head lately.  How do we break the cycle?  How does one change something he/she can’t actually see?  As much as Christ loves us, values us, and accepts us 100% - what role does our behavior actually play in following Jesus?

Those are my thoughts to ponder today...

Have a great one!

Jer   

Summer time!

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged.  That’s mostly because I restarted school.  I’m busy writing papers each week, with deadlines and grades.  It’s a new habit.  Gotta love the fun of school.  Ummm...no.  

Oddly enough, writing on here everyday for a month and a half was great training for school.  Writing essays is more formal, so that’s different - but the practice of writing everyday prepared me for success in the two classes I’ve already taken.  Six more classes and student teaching and I’ll have my credential - and another five classes for my Masters.  Chipping away.

All that to say, it’s summer.  I have a lot more time now, so I’m going to begin writing again.  Writing on here - that is.  And writing in a lot less formal way.  I will use words like ummm  and grrrr   with lots of dashes - cuz - that’s how I roll.  

Alright - off to writing...See ya soon.

Jer

What Roles Are You Playing?

“What’s up Mr. Kerr.”

I often hear this when I’m out and about in town.  I was at Target recently, getting toilet paper (of course), and a group of kids yelled it out as I was passing by.  Just - awkward.

“Hey” I mumbled back.  Toilet paper...haha

This got me thinking about all the different roles we play in life.

I have a really good friend that’s a barista at Starbucks.  She told me that when regulars see her out in public (outside of the context of Starbucks), they act surprised.  It’s as if she’s not supposed to have a life of her own.

I recently experienced this with a girl I see everyday at my usual coffee spot - Am/Pm (don’t judge!)  Almost every day I go walking at park, and a few weeks ago, I saw her walking too.  We said that awkward “hi” - but my mind had a hard time seeing her outside of her working role.  She wasn’t supposed to be walking in a park! 

When we wear those identities (barista, teacher, etc.) we often don’t act the same way as we would in our regular everyday life.  We play actual roles in life.

I talked to a friend that works at a Jack in the Box - he mentioned the same thing.  “I say hello to the costumer as soon as he walks in the door.  Always say thank you at the drive through window.  Wear the outfit.”  We are ourselves - but with that added role.  It’s as if we’re almost acting when we become “that” person.

This gets really screwy when we begin to understand that our parents played the role of “parent” in our life.  For whatever reason, we have the expectation that our parents are supposed to be perfect.  We wake up to life with the idea that they have always existed.  Of course, there’s exceptions to this - but many people have a hard time seeing their parents as actual people.  Many times, moms and dads are just like we are - people trying to figure out life like everyone else.  They just have the benefit of life experience on their side.  They have some good wisdom as well as some destructive habits they pass onto us - but - for the most part, they are normal - even regular - people.  They were kids too - with their own parents.  They skinned their knee, were yelled at, cried, - etc.  People.

Our perceptions of our parent’s (what they should be vs. who they truly are) can really mess us up.

Taking it a bit further...the scandalous gospel.  Jesus was a person.  We put Him in the role of God (which He is) and Lord - or King (which He is) - BUT - He was also a person.

There’s two stories in the scriptures where He seemed a bit impatient with His mom (when He was twelve and when He turned water into wine).  Jesus had a mom - like us.  Have you ever rolled your eyes at your mom?  Jesus can relate.  

Jesus looked at the night sky - with all the stars (as He created them) with human eyes like us - a canvas of black velvet with a million pinholes of light peeking through.  Jesus sneezed.  He probably skinned His knee.  He most likely peed in the woods.  He went through puberty.  And on and on and on.

In one instance - He tells His disciples, “I no longer call you servants, but friends.” John 15:15  Jesus (God) had friends.  Actual friends.  Real people.  (And He extends that friendship to us - which is a crazy thought).

There’s a bit of an impersonal-ness when we live in our “roles”.  When I “play” the role of teacher, there’s a barrier to real friendship.  There’s some really good boundaries for that - don’t get me wrong (especially when working with youth), but the same goes for a barista, or a waiter, or whomever.  Roles keep others from our authentic selves. ***

To many, God is an impersonal force.  He just plays a role - and a scary one at that (after-all, He does hold our fate in His hands - which can be a bit nerve racking).  But keeping Him in His “role” also keeps Him at a distance.  And our authentic self never seems to find that intimacy that we’re all really looking for.  

The role of God as an impersonal force breaking into the human story...

“God - a person?  He can’t do that!”  

And yet - that’s exactly what He did.  God came to challenge our assumptions in the person of Jesus Christ.  

What are some negative perceptions that you hold about God?  Do they match up with the Great Story - found in the scriptures?  What role does God play in your life?  What are ways you keep Him at arms length?  What if this “relationship” is supposed to be different than we perceive?  What does a relationship with God actually look like?

Good questions to consider...

Have a great day!

Jer

*** “roles keeps others from our authentic selves.”  I’ve met many men and women (pastors, youth workers, missionaries, etc.) that play the role of a “spiritual leader.”  This can create an inner tension that can eventually explode, if a person isn’t careful.  I’ve known many “leaders” within the church that only learn how to be authentic to the “wrong” person - and that leads them to all sorts of craziness (affairs, leaving their faith, etc.).  When the fit hits the shan / all hell breaks loose (when the facade finally crumbles) - everyone around asks, “How did this happen?”  Well - this might be a bit simplistic, but  - the person was in the “role” of spiritual leader and people keep reinforcing that “role” when they screwed up.  The “role” they played became a prison - a bit of hell on earth.  When a person steps outside of the bounds of their “role”, people’s expectations are bashed - and a real hurting person often gets condemned by those that are supposed to love them.  Sadly - this happens more often than I’d like to admit.  

And this doesn’t just go for spiritual leaders.  Parents too.  Parents are supposed to be good.  But - many are not.  It’s difficult to love someone when our expectation of them is constantly disappointed.  BUT - that’s not THEIR fault - it’s ours.  Our expectation of a perfect - or even good - parent is often unrealistic.  They’re only human afterall.  (This could be a topic for an entire different blog).

It's hard to love God when He's just "playing a role" in our life.  He'll never be authentic if we keep putting Him in that box.  

So - how does one change this kind of thinking?  

It's Kinda How I'm Wired

It takes a while for things to sink in for me.  I'll hear something, and a month or so later it'll actually come to light.  My mind seems to be always consciously and unconsciously working things out.  It always takes a bit of time for me to "get it."  It can be really annoying.  It's kind of like a time bomb - I'll hear something insightful...tick, tick, tick, tick: Boom!  Enlightenment.

It's kinda how I'm wired.

The story goes that Brennan Manning asked Shel Silverstein what God's love was like.  His response was the short poem The Giving Tree.

I heard that story soon after Brennan Manning's passing, but didn't really think much of it.  I'd read the poem forever ago, but hadn't looked at it since childhood.

Finally last week, I got around to reading it again.  BOOM!

God's Costly Love - Grace - all in a children's poem that people all over the world have read.

Soooooo Good!  This is as beautiful a picture of God's love as I've read.  What's God's love like?  Maybe this will help paint a better picture you.

May it be a BOOM in your life!

Jer


The Giving Tree

Once there was a tree....
and she loved a little boy.
And everyday the boy would come
and he would gather her leaves
and make them into crowns
and play king of the forest.
He would climb up her trunk
and swing from her branches
and eat apples.
And they would play hide-and-go-seek.
And when he was tired,
he would sleep in her shade.
And the boy loved the tree....
very much.
And the tree was happy.
But time went by.
And the boy grew older.
And the tree was often alone.
Then one day the boy came to the tree
and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come and
climb up my trunk and swing from my
branches and eat apples and play in my
shade and be happy."
"I am too big to climb and play" said
the boy.
"I want to buy things and have fun.
I want some money?"
"I'm sorry," said the tree, "but I
have no money.
I have only leaves and apples.
Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in
the city. Then you will have money and
you will be happy."
And so the boy climbed up the
tree and gathered her apples
and carried them away.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time....
and the tree was sad.
And then one day the boy came back
and the tree shook with joy
and she said, "Come, Boy, climb up my trunk
and swing from my branches and be happy."
"I am too busy to climb trees," said the boy.
"I want a house to keep me warm," he said.
"I want a wife and I want children,
and so I need a house.
Can you give me a house ?"
" I have no house," said the tree.
"The forest is my house,
but you may cut off
my branches and build a
house. Then you will be happy."

And so the boy cut off her branches
and carried them away
to build his house.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time.
And when he came back,
the tree was so happy
she could hardly speak.
"Come, Boy," she whispered,
"come and play."
"I am too old and sad to play,"
said the boy.
"I want a boat that will
take me far away from here.
Can you give me a boat?"
"Cut down my trunk
and make a boat," said the tree.
"Then you can sail away...
and be happy."
And so the boy cut down her trunk
and made a boat and sailed away.
And the tree was happy
... but not really.

And after a long time
the boy came back again.
"I am sorry, Boy,"
said the tree," but I have nothing
left to give you -
My apples are gone."
"My teeth are too weak
for apples," said the boy.
"My branches are gone,"
said the tree. " You
cannot swing on them - "
"I am too old to swing
on branches," said the boy.
"My trunk is gone, " said the tree.
"You cannot climb - "
"I am too tired to climb" said the boy.
"I am sorry," sighed the tree.
"I wish that I could give you something....
but I have nothing left.
I am just an old stump.
I am sorry...."
"I don't need very much now," said the boy.
"just a quiet place to sit and rest.
I am very tired."
"Well," said the tree, straightening
herself up as much as she could,
"well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting
Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest."
And the boy did.
And the tree was happy.

By:  Shel Silverstein

Where is the Light?

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” Mr. Rogers

Not a lot of words for tragedies like yesterday.  (sad sigh)

But.

It’s very easy to focus on darkness - and miss the Light.

Don’t be fooled - the Light is at work through ordinary people during tough times.  He’s not trying to grab the spotlight or look good for the camera.  

He is humble - and easy to miss.  

But He is present - even in our questions.

Immanuel - God with us.

Don't wait to love those around you - love them now.  

And when tragedy hits your life - be a helper (a little ray of light in dark times) so that others might witness the love of God through you.

And if you're a little (or a lot) pissed-off because of this tragedy - tell God.  He's not afraid of your anger, or doubt - or frustrations.  I'm sure He'd appreciate your honest prayers - even if your language is a bit colored.  Go to Him and wrestle it out.  It might be good to get some things off your chest.  He's got some things to say about tragedies, for sure.  Go to Him.

May you hear His sweet and gentle voice of love during these turbulent times.

Jer

All Is Grace - in memory of Brennan Manning...

I never got to meet Brennan Manning, although I did listen to him speak once down in Roseville.  He was so brutally honest - it was refreshing.  He was as jacked up a guy as you can get (total alcoholic - at one point he was a homeless bum wandering the streets looking for food in the trash - he was THAT guy) - and he knew God’s grace all the more because of it.  He is the male counterpart of Anne Lamott - for sure.  I was so sad when I heard he had passed away.  I look forward to reading his most recent book - All is Grace - a ragamuffin memoir.  

With him in mind, I decided to share some books that have helped me see a clearer picture of our Savior.  I believe that faith has a lot to say about death - and that's why I'm point in that direction today.

Outside of the actual scriptures - these guideposts have steered me to see Jesus as bigger and better than I ever would have imagined as a kid.  Some of these books are really challenging to those that are in the "normal" faith community.  My hope is that they would dare you to see Jesus in a new light - the light of uncompromising grace that is acted out in real life to everyone - including those in the margins of society.  Don't be afraid to stretch - stretching is good before running a race.  

So - yeah - I thought I’d pass them on.  Good stuff - especially if you're looking for something good to read.  Summer is coming!

I shared the title - gave a little commentary - then put a quote from each book.  You don’t have to read my thoughts - but read the books.  Good stuff!  (No links - just go to Amazon)



1.  “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years” by Donald Miller.  This book was surprising.  I had read Blue Like Jazz, Through Painted Deserts, and Searching for God Knows What - and thought they were all good.  But - Million Miles was different.  It made me want to live a better life - actually get off my butt and do something.  I’ve read (and heard - I have the audio version too) this book at least 10 times.  For some reason, it doesn’t get old.  I laugh - and some parts - get teary eyed.  It’s definitely on the top five list of all time favorites.  

“If you watched a movie about a guy who wanted a Volvo and worked for years to get it, you wouldn’t cry at the end when he drove off the lot, testing the windshield wipers. You wouldn’t tell your friends you saw a beautiful movie or go home and put a record on to think about the story you’d seen. The truth is, you wouldn't remember that movie a week later, except you’d feel robbed and want your money back. Nobody cries at the end of a movie about a guy who wants a Volvo.  But we spend years actually living those stories, and expect our lives to be meaningful. The truth is, if what we choose to do with our lives won't make a story meaningful, it won’t make a life meaningful either”  Million Miles...

2.  “Love Does” by Bob Goff.  I heard about Bob Goff from “Million Miles” because some of the stories in Don’s book were about Bob.  These stories were ridiculous.  On the day it came out, I got the book (Don’s blog recommended it) and I really didn’t expect much, to be honest.  But - again - I was surprised.  Bob just thinks differently.  He trusts Jesus differently.  I can’t even put my finger on it.  I got to hear him speak about a month ago - and - again - there’s just something different with him.  He wasn’t the greatest speaker - no frills - or anything flashy.  But I walked away thinking “I want what he has.  Whatever it is - I want that.”  When you read his book - you’ll think - impossible.  But it’s not - I’ve seen slides.  I love his push for us to get off our butts and do something (Love Does).  One of my favorite quotes from the conference he was speaking at:  “We need to stop agreeing with each other.  We all sit in our churches and agree with each other.  And when we don’t agree - we go to a different church where we do agree.  We need to stop agreeing and start doing!”  We are not known by what we think - or agree with - we are known by what we do.  So convicting - and so good.  Read this book - it’ll change the way you live.  I know a book is good when I give it away to friends.  I’ve given this book to about 30 people... 

“Living a life fully engaged and full of whimsy and the kind of things that love does is something most people plan to do, but along the way they just kind of forget. Their dreams become one of those "we'll go there next time" deferrals. The sad thing is, for many there is no "next time" because passing on the chance to cross over is an overall attitude toward life rather than a single decision.” Love Does


3.  “How God Became King” by N. T. Wright.  Finally - the gospel!  Jesus’ gospel.  In our culture - the gospel is a marketing plan of salvation - unfortunately.  This book will give you a better understanding of Jesus’ gospel.  It’ll challenge the predominant viewpoint that’s often preached in American Christian Culture.  I LOVED it - so good.  N.T. Wright is a bit on the deep end of thinking - but this is foundational stuff.  If I were teaching a class on the gospel - this would be one of my required texts. 

“The “kingdom of heaven” is not about people going to heaven. It is about the rule of heaven coming to earth.”  How God Became King


4.  “Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis.  This is the book that inspired me to read the Bible for the first time.  I knew a whole bunch of prominent scriptures, but didn’t really know the whole story.  I had even been a “Christian” for four or five years at that point.  This book helped me realize how ignorant I really was.  When a photographer takes a picture - he uses the negative to create the photo (at least, before digital photography).  This is the “negative” of the gospel.  It’s about demons - the devil - and temptation.  But it gives a great picture of the light - through it's negative.  Very clever.  Before reading C.S. Lewis, I thought all Christians were stupid.  Stupid, in the "not well-read - not academic - not deep thinking" kinda way.  He completely destroyed that stereotype - which led me to discover many other very intelligent Christians I didn't know existed. haha  Other amazing books of his to mention:  The Great Divorce (about hell), Mere Christianity (Lectures), Narnia (gospel in a children’s book), and the Weight of Glory (heaven). 

“It is funny how mortals always picture us as putting things into their minds: in reality our best work is done by keeping things out.” Screwtape Letters.


5.  “The Jesus I Never Knew” by Philip Yancey.  This book was instrumental in helping me look away from “religion” and onto Jesus.  It’s the simple story of Jesus through the lens of biography writer.  His insights into Jesus’ temptation were very eye opening for me.  I remember reluctantly picking this one up (not wanting to read it) and I was hooked after the first couple chapters.  This was one of those foundational books for my faith.  Another great book by Philip Yancey is “What’s so Amazing about Grace” - simply awesome - so good.  “Soul Survivor”, “Church, Why Bother?” and “The Bible Jesus Read” are also good reads.  

“When Jesus came to earth, demons recognized him, the sick flocked to him, and sinners doused his feet and head with perfume. Meanwhile he offended pious Jews with their strict preconceptions of what God should be like. Their rejection makes me wonder, could religious types be doing just the reverse now? Could we be perpetuating an image of Jesus that fits our pious expectations but does not match the person portrayed so vividly in the Gospels?” - Jesus I Never Knew

6.  “God Came Near” by Max Lucado.  When I was a baby Christian (I didn’t even really know I was alive in Christ - ha!) my football coach pointed me to some books by Max Lucado.  I devoured them.  I read “God Came Near”, “And the Angels Were Silent”, “In the Eye of the Storm”, “Six Hours One Friday”, “When God Whispers Your Name,” “On the Anvil”, “Gentle Thunder”, and “He Still Moves Stones”.  These were easy to read books that gently steered me towards a better picture of Jesus.  It’s funny, I hadn’t read the bible for years and when I was convicted to do so from C.S. Lewis - I read it, I kept having these “Wait, I’ve read that story” moments - all over the scriptures.  It’s because of Max Lucado - I had been reading scriptures through his simple commentaries without even knowing it.  I’ll always appreciate these books because of that.  (I love his early books - but haven’t really read his new stuff)  

“Christ entered our world, and as a result, we can enter His.”  God Came Near


7.  “Love Wins” by Rob Bell.  The first chapter of this book is brilliant.  It made me laugh out loud multiple times.  The rest of the book is good - but the first chapter - wow.  Anyone that’s ever been a skeptic and then worked in Christian ministry can relate.  He points out some of the greatest inconsistencies for the defense of the modern day gospel I’ve heard - it’s hilarious.  It’s interesting that Christians slammed him for this effort - yet he points to Jesus of the scriptures over and over again.  And the really fascinating thing is that many unbelievers saw what he had to say as good news.  Isn't that a bit odd?  I LOVE an author that has the balls to not shy away from controversy.  It’s a stupid controversy - but - gosh - so glad he went for it.  That conversation's still ongoing today.  Rob Bell also has a sermon out that’s called “Everything is Spiritual” - soooo good.  I highly recommend watching it.  His “Poets, Prophets, and Preachers” series is also really good. 

“Some communities don't permit open, honest inquiry about the things that matter most. Lots of people have voiced a concern, expressed a doubt, or raised a question, only to be told by their family, church, friends, or tribe: "We don't discuss those things here."I believe the discussion itself is divine. Abraham does his best to bargain with God, most of the book of Job consists of arguments by Job and his friends about the deepest questions of human suffering, God is practically on trial in the book of Lamentations, and Jesus responds to almost every question he's asked with...a question.” Love Wins


8.  “The Shack” by William P. Young.  I don’t know about you - but when certain Christians want to start banning things - that really peeks my interest.  The Shack was one of those.  I read it - and loved it.  The author wanted his kids to have a better understanding of the heart of God the Father - so he wrote this book.  In the Scriptures, Jesus would often tell parables (stories that reveal the heart of the Father) - and this book is along those same lines.  Some people confuse this story with a manifesto or something - and they get all bent out of shape.  It’d be funny, if it weren’t so sad.  But, what can you do?  Anyway - some themes from the book:  How does God view a serial killer?  What’s the trinity like?  What’s God’s judgment like?  Is God in complete control?  What’s God like?  Why do bad things happen - and how does God see it?  And so much more.  It’s a quick read - novel type story - until it takes a swift left turn at around page 80-ish.  Keep plowing through - it’s well worth it.  

“All I want from you is to trust me with what little you can, and grow in loving people around you with the same love I share with you. It's not your job to change them, or to convince them. You are free to love without an agenda.” The Shack


9. “Jesus Through Middle Eastern Eyes” by Kenneth Bailey.  This book is amazing.  It helped me see Jesus’ parables in a completely new light.  I had always thought of the parables as just teachings on ethics - how to live as a Christian.  I discovered that I was very short sighted - they’re more about the revelation (revealing) of God and His teaching on His very costly grace.  I was way off.  Jesus Himself lived out His parables in His actual life.  This book helped me understand that grace is a costly love for God - even though it's free for me.  This book also changed how I view the Christmas story - at least - the popular version of Christmas we hear every year.  Bailey brings context to the story of Jesus.  It’s a bit textbook-ish in parts - but is sooooo worth it.  Paradigm shifting - no joke.  There’s a bit of “National Treasure”-ish to this book as well.  I began to see that there’s much more to the writings of the New Testament than I ever would have thought - hidden gems.  This would also be a book on my required texts if I had a class.  It’s not a casual read.  

“FOR SIXTY YEARS, FROM 1935-1995, my home was in the Middle East. With a childhood in Egypt and forty years spent teaching New Testament in seminaries and institutes in Egypt, Lebanon, Jerusalem and Cyprus, my academic efforts have focused on trying to understand more adequately the stories of the Gospels in the light of Middle Eastern culture. This book is a part of that continuing endeavor.”  Jesus Through Middle Eastern Eyes.

10.  “My Upmost for His Highest” by Oswald Chambers.  This daily devotional is very challenging - almost like a wrecking ball to my assumptions in some places.  It’s amazing how deep Chambers can get in one page.  I’ve not really encountered anything else like it.  So short - so deep.  In my experience, this is a book that should be read with a group of people.  When I read it by myself - I often think - huh?  But with others - it opens up in ways I wouldn’t have thought possible.  It’s good to read it alone too - there are some really good entries, but - others have different lenses - and can bring stuff out that wouldn’t be seen alone.  

“Do not look for God to come in any particular way, but look for Him. That is the way to make room for Him. Expect Him to come, but do not expect Him only in a certain way. However much we may know God, the great lesson to learn is that at any minute He may break in. We are apt to over look this element of surprise, yet God never works in any other way. All of a sudden God meets the life – "When it was the good pleasure of God."  Highest...


11. “The Ragamuffin Gospel” by Brennan Manning.  There are two things about this book that I really loved.  First - grace.  Brennan Manning was a deep believer in the Grace of God.  Unconditional Grace.  This is the love we’re all searching for - and this is the grace he discovered in his life.  This book will make legalistic christians uncomfortable.  Maybe that’s why I love it so much.  Second - Honesty.  In the realm of Christian books - honesty is a rare commodity.  It’s not that authors or speakers try to be dishonest (sadly - some do), it’s that they don’t always tell the whole story - the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Most authors and speakers talk about the good - and reference the bad in context - and stay away from the ugly.  Brennan lives in all three at the same time.  It’s refreshing.  It’s never finger pointing.  It’s just grace pointing.  No one is disqualified from God’s grace. 

“The story goes that a public sinner was excommunicated and forbidden entry to the church. He took his woes to God. 'They won't let me in, Lord, because I am a sinner.'  'What are you complaining about?' said God. 'They won't let Me in either.” Ragamuffin Gospel 

12.  “Traveling Mercies” by Anne Lamott.   This book is another honest look at faith.  It’s about how God reached through the darkness of a person’s life to offer a love only He can give.  It also shows at what length God will go to reach a person - even after an abortion - in the middle of a drug and alcohol binge:  

“‘I began to cry and left before the benediction, and I raced home and felt the little cat running along at my heels, and I walked down the dock past dozens of potted flowers, under a sky as blue as one of God’s own dreams, and I opened the door to my houseboat, and I stood there a minute, and then I hung my head and said, “Fuck it: I quit.” I took a long deep breath and said out loud, “All right. You can come in.” So this was my beautiful moment of conversion. And here in dust and dirt, O here, The lilies of his love appear.”  Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith 

13.  "Let Me Tell You a Story" - by Tony Campolo.  I had a big mistrust from media presentations of the gospel until I watched the sermon “It’s Friday, But Sunday’s a comin’!”  I would have to say that this sermon, and watching Charlie Brown Christmas around the same time, helped save my faith.  Skip most of those other books - I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for that timely talk.  Tony’s written quite a few books, but his story book is one of my favorites - mostly because of the story at the end of the book - the Agnes Story.  I get teary eyed every time I read it.  In a previous blog - I linked to Tony telling that story.  I’ve been fortunate to meet Tony twice - both at Youth Specialty Conferences.  One of my favorite quotes by him at a Christian Conference:  “I have three things I’d like to say today. First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don’t give a shit. What’s worse is that you’re more upset with the fact that I said shit than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night.”  haha.  Pretty much...  Love it.  Here’s a quote from the book - Agnes Story:  

“When I finished (praying), Harry leaned over the counter, and said, "Hey!  You never told me you were a preacher.  What kind of church do you belong to?"

    In one of those moments when just the right words came, I answered, "I belong to a church that throws birthday parties for whores at three-thirty in the morning."

    Harry waited a moment, then he answered, "No you don't.  There's no church like that.  If there was, I'd join it.  I'd join a church like that!"

    Wouldn't we all?  Wouldn't we all love to join a church that throws birthday parties for whores at three-thirty in the morning?

    Well, that's the kind of church Jesus came to create!  I don't know where we got the other one that's so prim and proper.  But anybody who reads the New Testament will discover a Jesus who loved to party with whores and with all kinds of left-out people.  The publicans and "sinners" loved Him because He partied with them.  The lepers of society found in Him someone who would eat and drink with them.  And while the solemnly pious could not relate to what He was about, those lonely people who usually didn't get invited to parties took to Him with excitement.

    Our Jesus was and is the Lord of the party. . .”  Let Me Tell You a Story

Well - go to Amazon - get a book - and go get reading!  

And have a great day...

Jer