Friday, March 8, 2013

Success Through Failure


It’s interesting our tendency to only talk about our successes.

I often experiment when I’m trying out new ideas.  Over the last 20 years or so, I’ve led many youth groups, from Young Life to the church, and I've constantly learned and evolved as the years have gone by.  Much of my learning about leadership was gained through trial and error.  I’d try and fail, then start over again.  Looking back, I can see that my failings far outweigh my successes.  Yet I’m able to talk about my successes only through the lens of my many failures.  Leadership is almost second nature now, but that wasn't always the case.  I've learned a ton along the way.  And much of my learning has been through my failures.

But I don’t often share about my failures.  I tend to only talk about my successes.  I think that's interesting... 

One memorable experience was with a group of untrained leaders from a church I worked with a few years back.  The team was pretty green and there was only a handful who had any experience working with kids - and that was from chaperoning a few youth events - no actual training.  They seemed to believe they knew everything they needed to start a new youth group.  It's always a bit difficult to teach a bunch of know-it-alls - haha - but I was with them.

For whatever reason, they thought it would be super easy to start this new program.  I knew differently because I knew they weren't doing the basics of youth outreach.  We had about ten young leaders and we were starting everything from scratch.  Their plan was to invite kids and have a BBQ.  So our first event was just that: a BBQ in the park.  We bought a ton of hot dogs, brought frisbees - had games planned - and one of our leaders had a talk about God’s goodness ready to go.  The problem was - no one showed up.  Not one kid.

The truth is, I knew this was going to happen.  But I had to lead our team through this “failure” in order for them to experience a wonderful and humbling teaching moment.  After this dismal failure (and embarrassment), they had ears to hear.  I could finally ask the question, “Now, how do we actually get kids to our youth group?” - without any assumptions in the way.  Their perception was that kids would randomly just show up because of some fliers they passed out.  haha.  Good idea, but no.  Now that we had this experience we could really get to work.

The funny thing is that a couple leaders gave up after that crash.  People don’t want to live through failure.  And later, when casting a vision of sharing God’s amazing love to the local high school and jr. high, one leader, in particular, believed it would be impossible.  To be truthful, even the simplest tasks seemed impossible to him.  And his belief created his reality.  It’s definitely difficult working with a pessimist.  The irony is that when he finally decided to quit, our group grew.  And everything he said that was impossible - happened.  Go figure.

But that was almost a planned failure.

Some failures are unpredictable.  I don’t like closing the door to anyone - ever.  Years ago, I had a pretty great Wyldlife team (Jr. High Young Life).  The following year, I opened the door of leadership to literally everyone.  I had 20+ leaders on my team.  It was as diverse a group as you could get.  I wasn’t smart enough, or experienced enough, to lead a team like that.  I was barely 21 at the time.  The team imploded.  Opinions within the team created boundaries and walls that I didn’t know how to break down at my young age.  Let’s just say - it was a disaster.  

But thank God for that disaster - because I learned what not to do. 

Most of my learning is finding out what not to do.  I only learnt that from failure.  My marriage was an epic failure.  And yet it was another opportunity to learn what not to do.  I was a bone-head in a lot of ways.  But - I did learn - and will be better for the next time around (God willing).  

Failures can hurt - but I’m starting to understand that they are so dang important - essential for growth even.  Yet we fear failure like the plague.  Well, I do anyway.

I often read books that seem to skip over failure.  I mean - they point to it here and there, but they mostly camp out on success - success in life, in walking with Jesus, in relationships.  Success is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but most lives are lived with a ton of failures.  And some people want to give up because of it.  Failure can lead to discouragement and downright depression.  Books on success don't often talk about that.

I think the people who don’t give up and become successful are often the people that fail the most.  We just hear about their amazing success without the crashes and burns, or with just hardly a mention of it.  This isn’t always the case, I’m sure, but I’m betting it’s majority.    

How ironic is it that the majority of success is littered with multiple previous failures?  

And how encouraging too. 

Maybe we should start looking at our failures as the path towards success.  I wonder how different life would be if we looked at it that way...  

Jeremy Kerr



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