Instantly Friends!

Got all my bags packed - at Starbucks - getting ready for this travel adventure to Southern California.

Long drive today - 7 hours to Santa Barbara.  Going to stay with a friend for the next couple days before heading off to San Diego.  Tonight I'm going to a college group, really looking forward to it.  I love hearing God type thoughts through different lenses.  Praying I'm not too cynical.  haha!  Cynicism can blind us from God - and that's ugly habit I have.  "Blind me from cynicism!!"  As long as I remember that - I'm usually ok.  usually....ha

Hopefully traffic won't be too bad.  I've only been to Santa Barbara twice, and both times I was pretty much just driving through.  This will be fun.  Tomorrow is explore times.  I'm actually looking forward to the pre-trip as much as the San Diego part.  I love new!  And - my friend from SB kicks A and takes names!!

I read a chapter from Donald Miller's book today about Bob Goff.  It's the chapter about kayaking next to Malibu (Canada - Young Life camp), and hearing Bob's story about world leaders for the first time.  It's kinda a must read.  Makes me believe that almost anything is possible.  Such an inspiring story!!  They used the word "whimsy".  I kinda feel like this trip has a bit of "whimsy' in it.

I'm not one for details.  I always figure that the details will work themselves out.  And - they usually do!! I don't even know the family that I'm staying with down in San Diego.  My buddy is leaving for a Men's retreat for his church while I stay in his rented room.  Random.  He's coming back on Sunday and we're gonna hang out for a couple days.  But - awkward moments.  I hate not knowing people.  haha.  Well - time to make new friends.

Remember making friends when you were a kid?  If you saw a kid playing and walked up to them to play too - you were instantly friends. So easy!  Strange how things change.  Sad how things change - in that regard.  Maybe this is one of those instances that Jesus was referring to when he talked about people having to be like kids to enter the kingdom of heaven.  Heaven is full of friends - I'm sure!

Sometimes the word foolishness creeps in my head when doing random stuff like this trip.  It's a fear based thought.  Weird how often I fight fear.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of new people.  Fear of failure.  Fear of losing all my money.  haha.  I'm always a bit comforted when I think of Jesus so often saying, "Fear not!".

I have nothing but addresses as I go south.  The address in Santa Barbara - and the address in San Diego.  Only have two phone numbers too.  But - that's about it.  haha.  Whimsy.  Gotta love it.  Well - here goes.  Let's see what kind of story opens up.  Woohoo!

Jer

Road Trip!

For a while now, I've been on the fence about going on a road trip down to San Diego - specifically the Storyline Conference with Donald Miller and Bob Goff.  In some ways, it's a little irresponsible.  I'll be broke by the end of it - and won't get paid until the 10th of next month.

But, I always seem to make excuses about things like this.  I have the perfect break to go - it's the perfect time - and I get to hang out with really good friends on the way down - etc.  Super fun adventure!

It's funny how much fear motivates me sometimes.  There's a lot of unknowns with going.  The moment I decided to actually go, I started wondering "what if I get in an accident down there..." and other stupid thoughts like that.  Fear can paralyze.  It's kinda weird.  I want to live a life worth living - not be paralyzed by fear!

I thought of my friend Tom - who's way up in the entertainment industry.  What I love about him is that he seems to have no fear of failure or rejection.  It's quite inspiring actually.  And - from an outside perspective - he literally lives one adventure after the next.  When he was a high school kid, my mantra was "Seize the day!" - as his coach and YL leader.  I had no hand in what Tom did with his life, for sure - but he sure is living life to the fullest - seizing the every day.

If I stayed home, I'd be playing it safe.  There's no risk with playing it safe.  With no risk - there's no reward.  Yet - how often do I play it safe??

Much more than I'd like to admit, unfortunately.

Well - here's throwing caution to the wind...Road Trip!!

Jer

In Keeping with Lent...

Well, I said there might be days where I only write one sentence, but I'd write every day.  This isn't one sentence, but it's close. I might come back later tonight and write more, but don't wanna break Lent - so - here this is.  haha.

Actually - I'm gonna share a good video - a short talk.  It's pretty kick butt...enjoy!


Jer

One Condition....

Last night I realized that I’m a conditional giver.  

A group of friends and I were going through a well known story that Jesus tells about noticing the King of Kings within the least of men, and helping Him (Matthew 25).  It’s one of my favorite stories.

It’s funny, as a Young Life leader, we talk about God loving people unconditionally.  And - I think we really do believe it.  I know I try to grasp my mind around that for sure.  The great thing about this understanding of God's love is that it allows us to love kids with no conditions.  Kids don’t have to “do” anything for Young Life leaders to love them.  They don’t have to be Christian, they don’t have to behave, don’t have to go to Young Life - nothing.  We get to love like God loves.

But - last night - we weren't talking about kids.  We talked about the people in the margins of society.  The subject of homelessness came up - and giving help to them.  I think we often don’t give help because we don’t believe a person's behavior will change.  We talked about homeless people's irresponsible behaviors, addictions, how it might be a scam - etc.  All the (sadly) normal stuff.

But in the actual story - there’s no condition on the giving.  What I mean is - Jesus says, “when I was hungry, you gave me something to eat, gave me a drink when I was thirsty, needing clothes and clothed me, sick or in prison, and you visited me.”

The story’s emphasis is in the act of giving.  There’s nothing about the recipient’s response.  

I give and want people to change.  I want them to appreciate - or thank - or get better - or whatever.  But there’s none of that in this story.  It's about noticing the King of Kings in the least of men and women.  I tend to notice my conditions - and not God.  

I give with conditions.

Don’t get me wrong.  I want to give with wisdom.  I’m not gonna give alcohol to an alcoholic.  And the story isn’t about giving money.  I get all that.  But - even so - I focus on my personal conditions on a gift and don’t end up giving anything.  So - I lose on the opportunity to see Jesus.  I ignore Him actually.  grrr.  I esteem Him not...

A gift should never be micro managed.  A gift is free to the one who receives.  The cost of love is paid by the giver, not the receiver.  Costly love.  Jesus type love.  Amazing costly grace...

hmmm...I'm sure I have more to say, but I'll leave it at that.  Have a great day!

Jer

Sunday Music Number One

Sunday Music.

To take a break from writing - on Sunday's I'm gonna share some of my favorite music.  I'm stealing the playlist of another blogger, not gonna lie.  ha.  Good Sunday, rest day blog.

Toad the Wet Sprocket was one of my favorite bands as a kid.  The lead singer went off on his own and started a solo career - among a lot of random side projects. Plover is a pretty awesome side project - as well as Works Progress Administration (WPA).

This is a song for WPA.  I heard it at the right time in my life.  It's about hope and hurt at the same time - disillusionment and struggle.  The lines: "there is a silence in the bedroom, a rustle in the hall, in the shadow of a love that became a wall...'  spoke in a deep place to me after my divorce.  Now it's one of my favorites.  Very folk.  Love it.  enjoy!

Random Rambling

I'm at Starbucks and it's completely empty.  From my experience, that's pretty rare.  Especially in the middle of the day.  It is Saturday though, so maybe that's the reason.

I was thinking about what to write on this blog today.  Not much is coming, to be honest.  My head's a little like Starbucks today - empty.  One thing I thought about was that I could literally write about anything.  I tend to write about God topics because I'm always curious and amazed with that topic.  But - I'm not limited to that.  I could write about sports.  Or movies.  Stories.  Mystery.  Fiction.  I literally have a blank slate.

But that got me thinking about whether I truly have a blank slate.  All my experiences - all that I've read and done - these things shape how I think.  Hurts, joys, love, rejection - all of it shape how I see the world.  Not to mention God actively molding and shaping me - while I often complain in protest.  

Is that a blank slate?  Some of the best ideas that I hear come from different types of people that are not like me.  In fact, much of what others say or discuss I wouldn't even think about.  That's one of the things I love about groups of people - and diversity.  People have very different lenses on life.  This can be really insightful.  Of course, there's tons of ignorance out there (a lot within my self, I confess).  But even encountering ignorance reveals the lens of someone else and can often be insightful.  

Any blank slate that I start out with would only come from my very limited perspective.  In a sense, my imagination is limitless.  But then I factor in that I limit myself (and boy - do I know how to limit myself) and I don't think my slate is exactly blank.  That's one of my trains of thoughts today...

Here's another thought that popped in my head...

Today is a wonderful day.  It almost has the feel of Spring.  Nothing (that I know about) is wrong about the day so far.  No tragedies (knock on wood) to speak of or anything like that.  There's no pressure about today too.  Saturday - no deadlines.  No stress.  Nothing.  I even cleaned up my place, and my car - did some chore stuff.  I'm here at Strbx finishing one of my Lent commitments. I love it.  But - here's the random thought.  When things are going good - I always have, in the back of my head, a feeling of guilt.  I have no idea where this comes from - but it's always there.  It's a nagging little bug that keeps biting me in a place that I can't scratch.

Maybe guilt isn't the correct word.  Hmmm.  I don't feel "guilty" or anything like that.  It's that, deep down, I should be feeling some sort of stress - or busy-ness.  It almost feels unnatural having a completely free and good day.  Doesn't mean I won't enjoy the day, but I sure wish I could squash that bug.   

That's something for some psychologist to figure out, I'm sure.  ha!  

Well - that's what I got for today.  Rambles.  Hope the your day is awesome (whoever happens to read this)

Jer

Valentine's Reflection

Love can become overly sentimental.  I'm not trying to be a kill-joy about love, but days like Valentines really over-romanticize it.  This made up, chocolate holiday highlights all of the good, and none of the difficult.  It's almost like the Disney fantasy of "happily ever after" wrapped up in a little heart shaped candy.

I observed a guy at CVS buying flowers for his wife.  He didn't look happy about it and even joked at the counter about having to try to be romantic or he'd get in trouble.  And this was not a happy face - joking manner - in which he spoke.  It was more like a pissed off face.

How romantic is that?  Getting flowers at CVS and being pissed about it.  Super romantic!  The funny thing is - he was right.  He would get in trouble had he not done anything.  I'm sure when he went home, he put on a smile and acted like these CVS flowers were something he'd climbed over mountains to attain because of the love he has for his bride.  But I witnessed the reality.  In truth, that's a pretty ugly picture of love, isn't it?  CVS?  Anger?  Really?

Don't get me wrong, love should have romantic moments.  Romance is a beautiful thing.  But, love is so much more than that, don't you think?  I surely hope so...  I don't know about you, but I want a love that doesn't abandon me when I'm ugly, sick, in a pissed off mood, sad, or just plain boring.

I used to be a part-caretaker of two amazing little dogs.  Every time I would get home - they'd go crazy with happiness.  I could leave for 5 minutes, and when I got back - crazy happiness!  It was such a pick-me-up.  And whether I was ugly, sick, pissed off, sad, or boring - they were crazy happy that I was with them.  Every time!  The with...

With.  That's a good word for love.

Love always makes me think of God.

Immanuel means "God with us" - which is Jesus.  And the Bible points out that God is love.  And He never leaves us - ever.  And His costly love was given to us while we were at our worst - the very worst of our worst.  And that costly love was revealed through something very ugly, sad, and heartbreaking - the death penalty of a cross.  Blood, pain, death - that leads humanity to real life and true love.

What an amazing love story that is.  Someone loving us while we're at our worst.  Seeing the truth about every part of us - and not leaving - ever.  It's a wonder why God isn't more proclaimed on days like Valentine's day.  He is true love after all.  Isn't Valentine's all about love?

Jesus Christ is the walking definition of love.  He's humanity's best Valentine's gift ever - a gift that lasts all year round, on and on - for all eternity.

Jer

Almost a Skip

I almost forgot to write one of these today.  Wow - day 2 and I'm already forgetting.  It's gonna be a long Lent.  This will be a short entry today, for sure.

It's so easy to justify skipping things.  I almost said - "oh well - whatever" - in regards to this blog/writing.  No one would know - or hold me accountable.  It's so easy to do whatever you want when no one is looking...  

I once heard that integrity is doing the right thing when no one is looking.  I guess this commitment is a test of my integrity.

Laziness and forgetfulness vs. integrity.  wow.  

For some reason it makes me think of this story:

²⁸ “What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’

²⁹ “‘I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.

³⁰ “Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go.

³¹ “Which of the two did what his father wanted?”

“The first,” they answered.  (Matthew 21:28-31)

This is one of those stories that give me hope.  I - so often - complain, but eventually I come to my senses.  Well - most of the time.  k - half the time...  ha!  Like writing this blog.  Didn't want to do it.  Almost gave it up.  But - here it is.

Maybe there's hope for me after all.  haha.  But - this is only day 2.  wow.

Jer

Lent Fail!

I've been pretty lazy about my blog.  I have mixed feelings about it really.  I kinda started it to practice writing, and that has been pretty awesome.  However - the discipline it actually takes to write consistently always seems to get in the way.

There's also aesthetics.  This blog is pretty dang ugly.  But, to make it look nice (or even a little better) - is an investment in time and creativity that I don't want to make.  This discipline easily partners up with my tendency to be lazy - and that's never a win.  And, truth be told, I really don't have an audience - haha - so I guess looks don't matter much.  right?

But the discipline to write daily?

Ok - monthly?  Well - ok.  Every other month? - lately.  Gosh - it's not there...I wonder if there's any hope??

Speaking of hope (awesome transition!!)...Lent just plopped its rigid and ugly face right in front of my lackadaisical life this month. grrr.

I thought Fat Tuesday (Mardi Gras) was last Tuesday.  (The party of over-indulgence that kinda looks like my imagination of heaven before we get cleaned up, prim and proper, for God.  haha.)  

Anyway.  Last week I didn't work on Monday, so when I worked on Tuesday, it felt like it was a Monday.  Soooo, thinking the next day was Tuesday (when it was actually Wednesday), I overindulged on the thing that I was going to give up (fast from) on the actual start of Lent.  Half way through the day, someone told me it was Wednesday when I'd already crashed and burned.

My fast was from AM/PM.  haha.  I go there, seriously, every day.  Sometimes twice a day.  Super cheap - come on!  

With AM/PM coffee in hand, someone told me..."Ummm Jer - it's Wednesday."  of course.  Total fail.  So - I renamed the day - "Wicked Wednesday" and vowed to start the next day.

All good and fun - I started my fast on Thursday.  But then, I come to find out on Sunday night that Fat Tuesday was the next week!  I fasted from AM/PM for 4 days and Mardi Gras hadn't even happened yet.  hahaha.  So typical.  

I fail (Wicked Wed).  Then I start again (fail - it's not even Lent!).  Then - when I realize I can have AM/PM - I fail (overindulge) - without any of it being a failure.  So confusing!

On a serious note - I was also reminded on Sunday night that the fast was a time to remember God's goodness.  I always forget that part!  My AM/PM ritual is part of my quiet time - it'd be kind of silly giving up the one thing that I actually do every day to remember that God is good.  (not the drinking coffee part - the driving - I park and drink my coffee - read - and every once in a while, pray part.  lol  well - yes - and the drinking coffee part too - haha.  God is good!)

So - I changed my lent.  And lent started today.

I just went for random - on choosing what to give up.  I'm no Catholic - so what I'm giving up isn't  random in a Catholic sense.  But it's random for me.  I'm giving up meat - until Easter.

And I'm adding two things to my daily routine.  Blogging is one of them.  One blog a day.  Even if it's just a sentence.  

Photos too.  One photo a day on Instagram.  Just cuz that's what I wanna be - more creative.

This is gonna be an interesting season...

Jer

Boxes in the Garage...

I feel like I've been given a gift.

When I was younger, I found this really old guitar.  It was virtually impossible to tune the thing and I didn't know how to play it, but I was determined to learn no matter what.  After months of building callouses and muscles in my fingers, I finally was able to play a few tunes.  The guitar had an awful sound and would never stay in tune.  It was annoying.  But I learned.

My parents knew about my tendency to move from one thing to the next - without sticking to it.  They had given me piano lessons early on - and that was a dismal failure.  One of my many problems is that I've always been interested in a million things.  When I was younger, I had ADHD when it came to hobbies.  

But they watched me with this old crusty guitar and saw that I was actually sticking with it.  So, on my 17th birthday, they bought me my first real guitar.  It was amazing, especially compared to my other piece of crap that I'd learned to play on.  I kept playing and getting better.  It was a discipline that didn't seem difficult.  

I remember hearing this Michael Penn song around that time and thinking, "If I can ever play that song, I'm done."

Well, years have passed, and the song was learned.  Looking back, that was a good gift - one of the best that I've been given.  I didn't take it for granted.  I used the gift - it wasn't wasted.

And yet, there are other gifts that end up in the garage before they're opened.  Gifts that are in boxes in the garage.  Unused heaps of nothings.  Waste. 

I've been given the gift of time.  Time to work on life things.  Health. Direction. Life.  Goals.

I just don't want to waste it.  I don't want to throw this gift in the garage and forget about it.  Not live it. I don't want this to be a wasted gift.  Yet I know my tendency...

I've definitely wasted a lot of good gifts in my past...

Jer

What does "Jesus is the good news" mean?

I've spent a lot of time in my blogs pointing out what the gospel (good news) is not, and then I point to Jesus.  So, that's got me wondering....hmm...when I write "Jesus is the good news"- does that create confusion??  What the heck does that mean?  I think if I were to hear that statement years ago, I might not understand what the heck I was talking about.

Well, let me try explain.

How we see the good news comes down to our view of God.  Is God (Jesus) good enough to stand on His own, or is the good news all about what He does for my personal benefit?  Is "who He is" good enough to be THE good news?   Is His character good news for me - and the rest of humanity? (regardless of my eternal destiny?)

For many people, He's not.  The gospel is turned into a set of bullet points that lay out "the plan" of God's redemption.  And often, people inside (and outside) of the faith community begin to see the good news as only "fire insurance" (or some such lessening of the Gospel), which virtually makes the Christian life an ineffective way of living everyday life.

I believe - in truth - that He is THE good news!  God alone IS THE GOSPEL.  Outside of how I see Him - how I might perceive Him - He is good!  I wonder how many of us really believe that??  Or see that?  I think that if we spend all our time on the ethics of the Bible - or the rewards of the Bible - or the warnings within the Bible - it's very easy to miss the character of Jesus.  He is truly wonderful.  He is better than anything I could ever hope to describe!  No words can even come close to how great He truly is.  As so often happens in these blogs - and even in my mind - these words PALE in comparison to how wonderful He really is...

Yet somehow we've turned the gospel (good news) into a formula of personal reward.

The plan of salvation is PART of the gospel.  But it's only a sliver of the Gospel - which is the person of Jesus Christ.  Jesus Christ is the Gospel.  How well do you know Him?

He is Savior.

He is also King.

He is a friend of sinners.

He has ALL authority in heaven and earth.

He is the suffering servant and the wounded healer.

He is the cursed one (on our behalf).

He is the redeemer.

He is the reconciler.

He is the conqueror of death - the resurrection.

He is love.

Christ is life!

All good things come from Him.

And He holds ALL things together.

Gosh - and so much more - and more - and more!!!  I guess that's my point though.  If God (Jesus) is just a plan of salvation - then that's limiting His goodness to our personal reward.  He is SOOOOOO much more!!  And I'm not so sure I emphasized SOOOOO enough.

Take the time to get to know Him.  It will be worth it, even if you don't get a clear picture of His goodness immediately.

And why wouldn't you want to?  Why wouldn't you want to know someone that amazing?  THAT good?

It can't hurt.  Getting to know Jesus isn't gonna make you any worse for wear.  Test and see if what I'm saying is true!  Who knows - maybe I'm trying to manipulate you into believing a fairy tale.  Go dig deep and see if it's all true!  Don't believe my words - go read the gospels!

I'm confident that when you come to know the gospel (Jesus Christ), you'll not only see how wonderful He truly is - but you'll also come to find that He has a TON to say about us - who we are - what we're worth, etc. - and that secondary good news is ALMOST as good as the Gospel itself.

I wonder if that cleared anything up?  haha.

Have an awesome day!

Jer

Caught in the Act

"But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. ⁷ When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” (John 8:6-7)

One of the most well known stories about Jesus is his interaction with the woman caught in adultery. (John 8:1-11)

The religious types were trying to trap Jesus, so they brought a woman caught having sex with someone that wasn’t her husband. In our day and age - that’s a pretty common type thing - but in that culture - marriage was really sacred (within the religious community - it was extremely sacred). The Hebrew Scriptures said that such a woman was punishable by death from stoning (the men would pick up stones and throw them at her until she died). Quite a brutal way to die actually - and I’m sure the woman was terrified when she was placed in front of this country rabbi. She thought she was a dead woman.

So, here ya have Jesus caught in the middle. He was known to be compassionate and loving - and yet - He was also a Rabbi who followed the Law (instruction) found within the Hebrew Scriptures.

The religious crowd thought they had caught Jesus.

If he let the woman go - then He would show that He didn’t take the Hebrew Law (instruction) seriously. If he allowed them to kill her - he would not be perceived as loving and compassionate - and many of his followers would be disillusioned.

There’s so much in this story - and actually reading the account in John does a much better job than what I can describe.

But there’s part of the story that is coming to light for me in a new way - that I’d never seen before - until recently. And what’s crazy is that within this very common Christian story - there lies within in it such a controversial piece. I’ve never heard anyone (from the pulpit or otherwise) point it out.

Here’s what could cause controversy within the story:

The woman caught in adultery never came to Jesus on her own will. She didn’t ask for forgiveness. She didn’t confess her belief. She didn’t join a group. She didn’t become a Christian. haha.

She was just caught. And she wasn’t caught by Jesus - she was caught by others. And there was no repentance - at least from what we can tell from this account. In fact - she was literally in the middle of her “sin” right before she was placed in front of Jesus. She wasn’t seeking Him. She didn’t do anything to get “right” with Jesus - God. She didn’t do anything be be good - or be a better person. She did nothing. Nothing.

Why is that so controversial?

It’s at her “worst” that Jesus says “then neither do I condemn you.”

She hadn’t repented. She wasn't seeking Him. She was fearing a death sentence - and believed she going to die - but there was no plea for mercy or second chances. She hadn’t figured it all out. There’s no mention of her doctrine. There’s no mention of her “role” as a woman. In fact - she was there unwillingly. This was the last place she wanted to be.

Jesus does such a good job at loving her in that spot. Humanity picks up stones to throw at the down-and-out (the “sinners”) while Jesus distracts the self righteous with finger painting in the sand - and makes everyone take a gut check at their own soul before revealing that He doesn’t condemn. John 3:17 supports idea this as well. “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”

Why are we so quick to condemn? I wonder.

Why are we so quick to believe that Jesus condemns when the scriptures so often reveal the opposite?

Why do we think we have to say the right things - do the right things - know the right things - in order to be "right" with God - when so often the bible tells stories that contradict this type thinking?

And why don’t people ask more of these kinds of questions? I don't get it.

It's should be pointed out that Jesus does say "Go now and leave your life of sin." Sin meaning - rebellion to God - or - not esteeming God (putting Him in His rightful place).

But - our sin was condemned by humanity on the cross where Jesus died. "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Cor 5:21

Humanity condemned sin to the cross by killing the only righteous person who has walked the earth - God Himself. Soon after, God conquered death by rising from the grave to a new life - a new day. The problem with "sin" (broken relationship with God) is over - finished. God is greater than sin!

So, why don't we live that way? Maybe a better question is: do we really believe this? Do we really believe that the problem of sin is finished?

One pastor I heard said it best, "You're more sinful than you think you are. Get over it!" I love that. Sin is done - taken care of - whether we participate in that or not. We have peace with God the Father through Jesus - period. We just - so often - don't live that way.

What if we did live that way? What if we saw other people the way Jesus sees other people - with the loving eyes of grace and mercy? He doesn't seem as concerned about the things many church folks are concerned with. Don't you find that strange?

Well - don't take my word for it - go read the gospels again. See how He deals with sinners. Look for the controversies. Ask questions!! It's worth the time and effort - you might even be set free from bad doctrine.

You have permission to ask questions about God and the bible. If God really is God - He can handle it. Seriously. Part of loving God is loving Him with your mind - He gave it for us to use!

But - that's a whole other subject. ha!

I wonder what it would look like - if - when people reveal their worst - we responded like Jesus - and said to them, "...neither do I condemn you."

Have a great day!

Jer

F'ing Earthquake!

"Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose." Acts 16:26

When I was in high school, every other word I spoke was a swear word. I think this habit formed when I was in Jr high - all in order to feel cool - or maybe to make me feel older, I don’t know.

I also remember saying swear words before I knew what they meant. This is funny to me now - but - when we’re kids - we’re so clueless... I had my mouth washed out with soap on more than one occasion. I got caught swearing outside my parent’s house multiple times (I have an obnoxiously loud voice - grrr). I was one smart cookie!

My senior year in high school, I started hanging out with some new friends. All of these friends were Christians and they never swore - or hardly ever swore. It’s awkward when you’re the only person in your group swearing - so I learned to not swear as much when I hung out with them. One of these friends never swore at all - ever. I had never heard anything vulgar come out of his mouth - not even once. It was weird.

One day - while playing tennis - we made a pact to stop swearing. I think we chose to do this because swear words were never really honoring to other people - and we were learning how to love - taking those first innocent steps. We made a pact that if a person swore - every other person got to hit the arm of the offender as hard as they wanted. There were 5 of us in the group - that’s four hard hits for every offense.

Looking back, this wasn’t really fair. I was the perpetual swearer. I think my friends wanted an excuse to hit me. Needless to say, my arm had many bruises over the next couple months. But - I have to admit - it worked. I actually did stop swearing. I’d replace F#%& with Fudge or Frick - or some other less offensive word. It didn’t have the force of a good swear word, but it still worked.

Flash forward three years.

I really had stopped swearing (except in cases of extreme fear or “stubbing my toe in the dark” moments). At the time, one of our friends was an exchange student in Germany - another was at Pepperdine - and the other three of us were back home in the foothills - near Sacramento. We decided on a whim, one weekend, to take a road trip to Malibu to see our friend at Pepperdine.

That weekend, we visited all over the Los Angeles area - and there were many side stories along the way (example - window shopping on Rodeo Drive - I mindlessly gave a bum some of my change and my Pepperdine friend said, “Jeremy - that bum was dressed better than you!” - and he was right. ha!) - but there’s one story that has stuck with me as if it had happened yesterday. On one of the last nights of our trip we visited Disneyland, and one of our good female friends from San Diego joined us at the park.

We did the usual fun stuff - had an amazing time - and stayed until the park closed. The four of us got in our car to drive back to Pepperdine. I don’t know the roads down south, but we found ourselves driving parallel on a freeway with our friend from San Diego - Kristen. I think this might have been after a quick Denny’s run, but I can’t quite remember. All I remember is driving parallel with Kristen at around 1:30am.

To give a visual - I was sitting in the backseat of my car behind the driver. My buddy Bil was in the front seat driving (he was older than all of us and we trusted and looked up to him). Gregg (our Pepperdine friend who I’d never heard swear) was in the passenger seat giving directions. My other buddy Chuck was sitting right next to me.

I don’t recall who said it first - if it was Gregg or Bil - but one of them said something to the effect of, “Sometimes - don’t you just wanna swear?” And we all talked about it and kept flirting with the idea of swearing - without actually swearing. I think it was Gregg that might have said the first bomb. “I F’ing (using the real F word) wanna swear right F’ing now.” - something like that.

Now - mind you - I had never heard a swear word come out of Gregg’s mouth - ever. This was about the funniest thing I had ever heard! Suddenly we were all saying every swear word we had ever known. I’ll never forget this moment until the day I die - Chuck is sitting next to me and Kristen is driving parallel to us - and she‘s got the biggest smile ever - and is waving at us - and we’re saying things like “See ya later B^$#%!” And all sorts of derogatory language. She can’t hear us, of course - but we were laughing soooooo incredibly hard as we cuss her out. Chuck is flipping her off under the window - and she can’t see it. I was laughing so hard I was crying. Serious tears streaming down my face. My stomach muscles were hurting. I’m laughing now - thinking about it.

Kristen drove on towards San Diego, and we drove towards Malibu. We went on a swearing rant for a while longer, then Bil suggested that we each get one last burst of swearing before we stopped. So, each of us, in turn went on one final rant. What was interesting to me is how many time fudge and frick kept creeping into my swear infested rant. We laughed and finally finished.

Then Bil said - “Hey - let’s pray.” haha. Again - so funny - thinking back. Praying after swearing - not something I’d ever imagined. I remember Bil’s prayer - as Chuck and I snickered in the back of the car. He said something like “God - thank you for the fun and laughter - and we didn’t mean anything from these words. Just give us a sign or something if you don’t want us to do anything like this again - and forgive us if we went to far.”

I remember the "thank you God" part - the forgive part - and the “sign” part of the prayer. We drove the rest of the way to Pepperdine and went into Gregg’s dorm room to sleep. I was exhausted from a long day and my stomach actually hurt from laughing so hard earlier - I was dead tired. I slept on the floor - Bil was on an upper bunk - Gregg in his bed - and I think Chuck was also on the floor. We were out by around 2:30 or so.

At around 4:30 am - the room we were sleeping in began to shake violently. Bil immediately woke up and started yelling “Earthquake - I think it’s an earthquake!” My first immediate thought was that it felt like Star Tours in Disneyland. Gregg and I were up - but I think Chuck was still sleeping - but then finally work up from the commotion. I do think something hit Chuck in the head, but I don’t recall exactly. The earthquake subsided and we were all wide awake. I’ll never forget looking outside the dorm window and the usual glow of light from LA was gone. It was pitch black - from the power being out.

We honestly didn’t know if this was the “big one” - in terms of the big earthquake that is possibly going to happen someday. It was actually a terrifying moment - in some ways - even though we were ok.

Turns out this quake was later named the Northridge Earthquake. There were fatalities and injuries - and it was all pretty crazy. That sequence of events is still hard to believe.

Did this happen because we swore? haha. I seriously doubt it. But, it has given me pause when I do want to swear - and that’s the truth. It's possible that God knew we'd be in that moment (that was already destined to happen anyway) to give us a sly wink wink. God - after all - did create humor - in the midst of this very tragic world. Laughter during a very tragic moment - for sure...

And - let's be honest - life is hard. We can either laugh at it - or cry. Sometimes we need to do both - with some swearing on the side. This is my story anyway...

The most eye opening moment in that journey was something that Bil had picked up on that I hadn't yet - which has taken me forever to learn. In the midst of our junk - our crud - our "sin" - God is right there with us - even when we're blind to Him. And in the midst of our junk - He is love - loving us - laughing and crying with us - He is always there.

And a simple prayer can remind us that we're not alone in this seemingly dark world - where Earthquakes can seem to ruin the party. The good news is that His love is so great that sometimes Earthquakes can even break the chains that bind us - and lead us to freedom.

I can think of one such earthquake the led to the freedom for all people. The one that happened on that wonderful - and horrific - day that Jesus died on the cross. "It is finished." - we are free...

But - wow - that earthquake day in 1994 - to this day, that is one of my favorite memories!

I don't swear often - rarely actually - but...sometimes it just feels appropriate. Y the L not, right?

Have a great fucking day! haha.

Jer

Fan Mail!

“My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” Psalm 22:1

This was an interesting piece of fan mail I got a few months back. Kinda caught me by surprise. Anyway - makes me laugh thinking about it now. Turns out - the guy who sent it (thru FB) was wasted when he wrote it. But - sometimes the truth comes out in those situations (from his perspective - of course). haha. Anyway - can’t keep this one to myself. It’s too good. ;-)

Jer

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Hey whats goin on you fat piece of shit. You probably don't remember me but I sure as hell remember you. You used to be my middle school/ high school youth group leader about 7 or so years ago at ????? Church in ????? (which has now sold out to ?????? to become ??????). You fuckin waltz out on us like the 3 or so other people after you. You had your own personal interest in mind and not God. Speaking of god, thanks to you and others like who put thier own interests and ambitions above your "god", I've walked away from the organized religion cuz douche bags like you fuck it up and corrupt it. If there is a god I'm sure as hell that he doesn't appreciate people spreading his word and then bailing out when something better comes along. I only found you cuz ur "friends" with some (not all of them) people I know. Do them a favor and tell them that ur a fuckin liar and cheat and get out of their lives before you negatively affect them. All you do is brainwash our heads and move on to the next group of suckers. You, your wife, and her loser brother who seemed cool. I still remember the faces in our youth group, do you? By the way, I didn't see you at our graduation from ????. You really are a Jer"K". (And yea, I remember that faggot ass story you told us). Eat shit and die.

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(My Reply)

Wow.

Well - first of all, it'd be nice if you got your facts straight. I didn't waltz out of (name of Church) - they let me go. And it surely wasn't over "personal interests in mind" cuz I continued to do ministry for basically no pay for the next 7 years - still doing it today. I've always been around - and I've always been doing youth work - but the Church didn't like the way I was doing it, because I was trying to reach the lost - kids that weren't going to church. They wanted to take care of their own.

Faulty fact number two - I don't give a rats ass about "organized religion" - it's Jesus I point to. I don't tell people to follow me - but to follow Jesus. If people get that wrong - if they look at my faults and cry about how their life went to hell - well - that's not my fault. I'm just a faulty dude pointing away from myself and towards the goodness of Jesus. I surely didn't bail out because something else better came along - I'm still doing the exact same thing as I was 7 years ago. If you have a bone to pick - go pick it with the Church leadership 7 years ago.

And brainwashing? Wow. If brainwashing means - use your own head - your own brain - to seek the truth in Jesus - on your own - apart from what I say about Him - then - yeah - I guess I brainwash. Cuz I always leave it in the other people's court. I don't give a crap what you believe about me. And it's truly a shame that you missed the message of love that is totally independent of me - that God has for you.

All I hear is a hurt little kid who is full of hate. Someone who took something really personal that wasn't even about him. Did ya ever think to ask that maybe I was the one that got hurt in that whole situation? You have no clue... But, it's all about you, isn't it? Wow. Just wow.

And - let's see - 2010 - you graduated at “name of HS”? I sang at that graduation with two High School students. Or was it “different HS”? I was there too. I've gone to every graduation for the last 5 years at “1st HS” and “2nd HS”. Without getting paid. Without it being my job. Without the support of "organized religion". And “Jr. High School” graduations as well. Yeah - that's my own interest. Yeah - that's me waiting for something better to come along. Going to High School and Jr. High graduations - the MOST FUN THING EVER!!! You got me pegged.

And you throw in the "eat shit and die" crap in the end. Are you still in Jr. High? That rant sounded like a temper tantrum from a little kid. Amazing.

One of the things you should do before going and spouting your mouth off is to get the facts. The easiest thing you could have done was email me this question: Why did you leave seven years ago? It wasn't cool and I would like some answers.

Maybe there could actually be a dialogue instead of mindless blah blah blah. This is what happens when people rush to judgment. Every thing you told me was judgmental. Just from what I read - you're judgmental. You sound like the "religious" one to me...

And it's fine if you don't ever like me. I'm ok with that. I really do have a ton of faults and junk in my life - and I'm sure I've pissed more people off than just you. But - just because the messenger is faulty doesn't mean the message itself should't be taken seriously. Sorry if my crud took away from the message.

Hope God opens your eyes - and hope His love penetrates your heart.

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Haha! Have a good day!

Jer

Back

It's been a while since I wrote - and there's lots of reasons. But - regardless of the reasons (school, work, breathing, etc.) - I think I wanna try my hand at telling some stories - true stories - of life experiences. I think stories are more fun than just pointing things out. Well - let's hope. Anyway - more to come soon. Hope all is well...

Jer